|Reviews for Two Burdens|
| Blu J Fire and Caso Sparrow 5/21/13 . chapter 1
Sparrow: Wow this is a lot better than I expected it to be. This is written wonderfully, good job!
| Aria Breuer 2/9/13 . chapter 1
This is a good poem.
The tone captures well what the Ring was doing to Frodo, as he wandered through Mordor to finish his quest. From the way the poem sounded broken, I myself shuddered even after I finished reading.
| Frodo's sister 5/31/11 . chapter 1
This is a really good poem. You showed that the ring and the eye was taking over his mind.
| Mizamour 6/3/05 . chapter 1
o, very good!
| Kiana 4/29/05 . chapter 1
Wow! That was a really good poem!
| Cael Fenton 12/13/04 . chapter 1
Wonderful poem. I think you've really understood and captured the sense of Frodo's burden, especially in the repetition of 'the Ring and the Eye'. I use repetition myself, but not as effectively as you do. The rhythmn is superb, almost flawless, and the last verse just lingers in my mind, hauntingly flawed [in a good way of course] and very beautiful.
| Noldo 10/10/04 . chapter 1
Can I say 'wow'?
Seriously, I hadn't thought this would be so good, and, well - it is. It's oddly moving without bogging you down.
One nitpick - where you have 'it's dark power', I'd take out the apostrophe in 'it's'.
| ringmarciel 5/5/04 . chapter 1
Good poem. It flows nicely. I was reading your profile and I totally agree with you no one kills Legolas off, there is always some type of intervention that brings him back! Argh its so annoying why doesn't someone just kill him off and be done with it. Why doesn anyone just leave the elf dead! Lol finished ranting, why the hell is he still alive anyway!
| rabidsamfan 2/12/04 . chapter 1
Good poem. I'm amazed at how many people can write such good poems about LotR, when I can't manage a one. And yours even scans well!
I think I'm jealous.
Very good poem.
| Londonmage 2/7/04 . chapter 1
I always find LOTR poetry difficult to write. And often even more difficult (and, uh, PAINFUL) to read. However, this poem has definite merit. And I absolutely LOVED the last stanza: chilling and in perfect rhyme/rhythm.
You keep a pretty good sense of rhythm about the poem throughout, but I have a few suggestions for keeping equal syllabic flow for each stanza. So here's just a few tiny suggestions (that you can totally ignore cause I can get picky when it comes to poems *innocent grins*):
I'd take out "but" in the third line of the first stanza.
I'd take out both "a"'s in the fourth line of the second stanza.
I'd add in "o'er" between "watching" & "him" in the first line of the 3rd stanza.
I'd change "he's" to "being" in the fourth line of the 3rd stanza.
I'd change "the" to "this" in the 4th line of the 4th stanza.
Don't mind my pickiness if you don't want to-the poem was a beautiful read as is! I just wanted to offer a little constructive criticism for once. It seems I always have little more to offer you than shameless praise! Although there's nothing wrong with giving undiluted glory where its due now is there? *smiles*
Keep up the great work! You are definitely a fantastic writer and that last stanza will be haunting my mind (in a good way of course!) for days I'm sure! :D
| Lily Took 2/6/04 . chapter 1
Wonderful poem - powerful, dark, and tragic. Your rhythm is almost flawless (line two in the second to last stanza seemed off), and I love the way you keep repeating the words "ring" and "eye" at the end of stanzas - really gave it emphasis. Thank you for posting.
| RennyKUNpow 2/6/04 . chapter 1
Title don't work well. Maybe somet like 'The Ring and the Eye' or somet like dat. Or 'Two Burdens Alive'.
Love the rhymin' though!
True words in a simple, easy to unduhstand way.
Love duh poem! Duh simplicity wus puhfect foah it.
An' noh. I dun' really talk like dis.
Dis really wusn' me best review.
| JennyR 2/6/04 . chapter 1
I really like the way you've managed to work "rhytm" into this poem. When most people write, they usually focus solely on making the final words on each line rhyme, but you've managed to combine the two!
Moreover, I like the way each part of the poem ends with the same theme - the Ring and/or the Eye. It gives a sense of "continuity".
I can't really think of any (negative) constructive criticism to give at the moment, so...
Best poem I've read so far!
(ps. sorry about not putting my e-mail in this review, I don't have one at the moment)
| You know who I am we're supposed to be sisters 2/6/04 . chapter 1
Wow! This is great! I didn't know you wrote poetry.
| cosmo-queen 2/6/04 . chapter 1
Very good poem. The emphasis on the Ring and the Eye torturing Frodo was powerful and well-written. Keep writing :)