Hey, this si great, but can you stop switching between tenses.
Like, you say something like: It was a very cold night, and then you go to Kirby shouts to someone, "_"

Keep up the good work!

GOOEY

HI! It's ME! It's that guy who's incredibly ** off at you! GOD! I coiuld write this many pages easily in three hours at the most! What's taking you so long!

Okay, you are taking WAY too long! I'm going to ask... I'm going to ask... WHAT'S KEEPING YOU!? It's taken you over two years! I'm sorry to bother you, but I hardly have enough time and I update my MediaMiner fics once a day! Sorry, but you disappoint me as an author. (Shakes head.)

Hey! It's me again! I swear! I've checked back like many times, and it's still been more than a year since you started this! You didn't even WANT to make this a cliffhanger! But, please give my life meaning!

Hurry up and make number two! It doesn't take a whole year to create a long chapter unless that chapter happens to be 50-100 pages long! Hurry up! I really love this story!

this is great

nice...a little long for one section though

well, what an interesting story. please put up the 2 parter up soon! I can't wait what happens next.