The Sues must die. Another great chapter. I certainly hope you do more. Er...was Shay's LO Tom Bomberdill or whatever 'is name was?

I wish there was a computer virus that could miraculously delete fiction that only serves to destroy brains.

"Banana pow kung fu monkey arse!" - now that is funny.

XD Tense shift actually ripples? Awesome.

*Pumps fist* Go Asmodeus!

Absolutely loving this story. Your wording is impeccable and humour superb. I'm also very fond of any fiction about destroying Sues. They are the bane of character development. They are the bane of a writer's existence. They are the bane of entertainment. They're just... bane.

XD
Oh my god. This is already loking good! :)

Please write more.

I do not live in a yellow submarine.

I enjoyed it immensely

Very nice story, but as for the talking sunflower... not so sure.

Oh HI, it's ME again.

There's another Sue on the prowl. It's another Canon Sue. You won't believe who it is.

It's...

Romsca.

Yes! Romsca! A Romsca Sue!

This Romsca Sue is a lot sweeter and gentler and prettier than the Romsca we know and love. She angsts about her terrible past (which actually isn't TOO far from the book, since Romsca actually said she had one), repeatedly cries on Durral's shoulders, and is loved by all her crew mates for her beauty and gentleness and skill with the cutlass.
As for Lask, he likes Romsca ... a little TOO much...Eek! Must erase all those horrible mental pictures! Aack!
Ahem.
Anyway, Romsca lives to go all the way to Sampetra, where she angsts about her undying love for Ublaz (ick), and angsts about how he's SUPPOSEDLY in love with that "mean, trident-weilding rat-bitch Sagitar" who's less pretty and less skilled in fighting than Romsca.
In the end, Romsca Sue will "reform" Ublaz, get together with him, make all the sea vermin and lizards (except Lask & Sagitar, who die) friends, and the two live happily ever after.

I know, I know. Sickening. That's why I told you. This Romsca Sue must be stopped. Romsca is NOT a weepy little gentle flower; she's tough, strong, coarse, with a twisted sense of humor, and her crew mates like her because of THAT. Besides, there was no evidence that Romsca was even PRETTY, though I like to think of her as SLIGHTLY attractive.

~Sue Hunter~

Hello. As you can see, I am a Sue Hunter.
I'm lookin' for this Sue:

It's a squirrelmaid; a combination of Songbreeze, Fwirl, and Triss. She's got Song's voice (only prettier), Fwirl's appearance (only prettier), and Triss's fighting skills (only better).
Guess what her name is?
C'mon, guess.

Okay, I'll tell you . . . it's TREFOIL!

Yes, that's right. Obviously there's some Sue out there who thinks that Felldoh should have gotten together with Trefoil instead of Celadine.
So she kidnapps Trefoil, "disguises" herself as Trefoil (and not a very good job, unless Trefoil had a red-gold tail), and saves Felldoh from being killed by Badrang, and kills Badrang, stealing all the glory from Martin, but that's ok, cuz now the Rose Sue can get together with Martin and it will all be lovey dovey...gah!

So, really, it's TWO sues; a Rose Sue, and a Trefoil Sue (shame, I liked Trefoil).

The yellow submarine is in the land where I was born, of course. Or maybe I'm just delusional.

I stumbled in by clicking a link in the Les Miserables department, and since I loved Redwall when I was younger (have an entire shelf of the books that I haven't touched in years) I figured why the hell not. I was very pleasantly surprised. Thank you for writing a wonderfully funny fic, and I hope that you continue with it.

"Where is this yellow submarine that we apparently live in?" Wha...?

I LOVE THIS FIC.

Hey, I got a Sue for you.

She's a pure ferret, strikingly beautiful, and she's the twin sister of Princess Kurda.
Kurda: NO!

Kurda's sister is more beautiful than her (naturally), and she's better at sword fighting (DUH), but she's also much kinder, and weeps continously for the slaves (of course).

She screws up the intire Triss book, where she's the one who gets Triss and her friends out of the cage and escapes with them from Riftgaurd.

Welfo probably dies, cuz if she lived, then at Peace Island, she'd get married, and everyone would be paying attention to her instead of the Sue.

Remember that one hedgehog who fell in love with Welfo? Well, since she was killed off by the Sue, he falls in love with the Sue, only she feels sorry for him, because she's already in love with Shogg.
Shogg: NO!
Triss: Aw, what's the matter Shogg? Can't take a little Sueness?

Don't laugh too hard, Triss. You're the Sue's best friend.
Triss: WHAT?!

Yep. You're always saying to her, "O Princess, if only I were as beautiful as you." Plus, she's the one who gets Martin's sword.
Triss: NO!

The Sue is also the one who kills the three-headed adders (without any help, unlike Triss), but unfortunately, Shogg still dies.
Shogg: What?!

After the Sue weeps over her otter lover and the sister who tried to kill her, she goes back to Riftgaurd to free the slaves.

Now, do you remember Sleeve, the slim, pretty ottermaid who ended up with Kroova? Well, she dies too, giving the Sue an excuse to get hooked up with Kroova.

So the Sue gets the crown and pawring, becomes ruler over Riftgaurd, reforms the rats, frees the slaves, weeps over her over-weight tryant of a father, and lives happily ever after with her sea otter of a husband.

Triss: Man! That is one heck of a sue!
Kurda: You should know.
Triss: What's that supposed to mean?!
Kurda: You're a Sue.
Triss: WHAT?! How dare you!
Kurda: Oh, don't give me that! Escaped slave, saw your parent die, saw your friend die, traumatic past, really pretty, never had ONE sword lesson in your life, and yet you're a better swordsbeast than I am! Mary Sue! Mary Sue! Mary Sue! Mary Sue! Mary--
Triss: GRA!
Both: @%$#^&*&%*$@#@*$%#*$%*#^*$#%^#$*^$##(@#!

Does Shay like Glorfindel? Or Tom Bombadil? Or Radagast? Or Erestor? Or that one other guy, I forgot his name; he was that one Gondor guard who stopped Denethor from burning Faramir.

CORNFLOWER & GANDALF??!! EW! DIE SUE, DIE!

Hey, do you work with Marty Stus?
If you ever use one, will you use mine?

It's a ferret, insanely handsome (naturally) with golden fur and eyes that constantly change shades of blue, and he's the long-lost twin brother of Veil Sixclaw.

"The dashingly handsome ferret held up his left paw.
Everybeast present saw that it had 6 claws.
'And not only that,' the Stu said, 'but...' He grasped the paws of Veil VERY tightly. 'We are twin brothers!'
Veil stared at the insanely handsome face.
Then his own face crumbled and poor ferret started bawling like a baby."
Wouldn't you cry if that happened to you?

And what about Rose Sues & Mariel Sues? Do you work with those? Where Rose comes back to life and Mariel is weeping on Dandin's shoulder?
And Marlfox sues? Where the marlfox sisters are angsting about their horrible, tragic pasts?
And Bluefen Sues? Where Bluefen is angsting about her abusive husband and she reforms him?
And Martin's daugther Sues?

Man, you got your work cut out for you!
Well, please consider my review. And is Shay in love with Glorfindel? That would mean free cookie for me! Yay!

This is really amusing. I don't read Redwall fanfics that much, but this still was a gem. However, are you ever going to update?

This is bloody hysterical... I adore Redwall and any badfic-bashing is a good thing in my book...
I've heard of PPC but I'm not a member or anything... what's their home site?
~Eggo Waffles, no syrup added~

well after struggling through the name of that Sue i found another couple good chappies..and, if i can say this, good badfic. Very real. And also the effects of the tense shift, very smart. And the Bad Slashers are neat. so mike is a reformed slasher himself hm? interesting.

**Claps** YAY! Redwall PPC! Well, of course, I *knew* you were around, I just didn't get round to reading you. Have now. And, as normal, am so tired cannae type properly, or think of decent reviewness. Sorry!
'Tis all good so far though. The spelling on that Sue was aweful, how did you manage to get it so bad?
~ Elanor