Wow! An hour? That was fast! I can probably finish only a page in one hour...-sigh-

Kawai! _ I like this fic and Elwin's cool aura. You make him irresistible..even to me! _

Let's see... there aren't many Langrisser stories around, and yours make up 50% of those on FFN, an impressive achievement. I agree with you that Riana and Elwin seem OOC, but since the genre's humour you have the benefit of the doubt. Perhaps once they get used to each other Riana could dispense with the deference "Sir Elwin..." but I think that she is naturally fairly quiet, and would perhaps concentrate more on the game at hand. Elwin might be more able to chat, but he seems to be a serious type of character. It would seem more in-character simply to write the story about Hein/Keith/Lester and Sherry, or maybe Hein and either Elwin or Riana.

Apart from that, your mechanical ability is pretty good. You need perhaps to learn a little bit more about capitalising and punctuation where speech is involved, but you're generally fine. I'm sure that you could learn to be a skilled writer with more experience. That's my opinion - feel free to differ therefrom.

Volandum, vox rationis

Second fanfic of yours I've read. I can say only one thing: MUST...HAVE...MORE...LANGRISSER!

I'd try writing my own but I don't know how to submit...:(

All in all, you're the best Langrisser fanfic author I've seen.