Very beautiful. It was very short, but it seemed like a good snap-shot of a single moment or feeling, so that didn't seem like much of a problem. The metaphors were lovely and unique.

Lovely, poetic imagery, especially this phrase:
"to that world beyond the snow."
There are some formatting errors, what looks like hypertext tags translated into plain text. That makes this a little difficult to read, since the piece is so short. You might want to remove them, just for better ease of reading.
Good job. :) It's so nice to find stories that capture the mood of the OVAs, and I'm always partial to stories with Tomoe and Kenshin, even the sad ones. :)

Wow. Just: Wow. I loved all the metaphors and comparisons you made. Really beautiful & deep. That was excellent! _

The first chapter is a little too short to say anything really Try to update soon.