I like the story, but I mostly like the ending

Pretty good...the grammar is a bit off, though, and it seems like you're using words without really knowing the meaning of them. Other than that...good.

That was a bit weird but it's okay.

huh? lol wats goin on...im liken dis lol

wow, very cool. i really like the style of it.keep writing my friend, you are great at it!
luv em

It's different, and I like the ending. Very funny. lol :D