O.k. Good story line, I like it but. . .I myself am not one for lez. Anyway. It's good but.
1. Grammer needs to be a bit improved
2(im sorry I like it but) Tammy wanted it to be D/N or why did the have children?
3. It is good but. . . even if that does happen Daine will still care about Numair.

Have read. :-) And I enjoyed it!
I don't want to sound like one of the 'luvd it write more plz' brigade, so I'll try a bit of CC...
It seemed a tiny bit rushed. I know it's hard to work through all the feelings in a one-shot, but everybody's reactions seemed a bit...abrupt. Like Numair not really seeming to care, and Daine and Alanna's realisation of their love. I'm sure it'd be way better
But on the whole, it was a really interesting fic, and your writing is muy muy bien.
Muchos Love (Oops. Bad Spanish there, methinks).
~Jude

WHOA O_o that was NOT what I was expecting! Anyways, Hi, its me, I tracked you down *evil grin* I'm a lot less shy on ff.net so dont be surprised!

This has real potental but...you said you dont mind CC so...

I find this really rushed, take time go into it a bit more. Also the characters are really rash and quick (ex. Daine saying i dont love you and running away)

And theres some things that you changed form the books (not intentially Im sure)

-Daine dosent eat game, she explains why in Emperor Mage,

- (I'll just inform you since you say you havent read PotS yet) Daine and Numair move in together shortly after the immortals war.

and one more thing (Im sorry, I know I sound harsh but you said you like CC) The characters are a bit ooc, I dont mind that but you should put a warning or a note in the summery or some where else in the fic. (ex. Numair getting over it so fast, Daine yelling she dosent care for him)

Im really sorry if I sound harsh, that is NOT my intention.

Anyways weather or not you take my advbice is your own descion, your writting style is your own. Dont change for anyone. Keep writing, and strive for your own self.

~Fate

p.s. I dont mind feme-slash, by the way, Im not a ** phob my opions are sincere and true.

Well, there was nothing wrong with that! It's a good kind of storyline, it just seemed a bit rushed is all, and some of the grammer could be improved, nothing that can't be fixed!! Just need a beta!! And we both know how you can fix that up!! ;o)
=RD (aka RF)

Okay, I first of all want to say that I don't approve of this negative attitude you have about your fics. Definitely does not work for me. Believe in yourself! This was so not terrible!

Now, you asked for CC, so I'll give it to you. These feelings that the two of them have for one another seem to come out of nowhere. Granted, it's a one-shot, so there's not much place for building it up, but it does seem kind of . . . out of the blue. I don't know that I really like Numair's reaction, because I honestly think he'd kind of freak out. But maybe he wouldn't. *shrug*

On the whole, though, very nice. Stop criticizing yourself!

~Amanda

this was great! theres hardly any tamora pierce femslash out there and i love the daine/alanna pairing.

Okay, look. I have been searching far and wide for Tortall femmeslash. And...this was a bit disappointing.

When you're writing a canon-bending fic such as this one, you're going to have to say *why* things happen. The whole "I don't love Numair," "Well, I don't love George!" idea...not great. It was very sudden, and you gave no real reason for it.

The way you pulled off Alanna's death wasn't great, either. It was a bit pointless, and seemed as if it were just put in there for a dramatic, angsty ending scene.

I did like the beginning, with the rather akward little conversation about the hair. :) But the story needed to be thought out a little more, I think.

No offense, but you really twisted up the love between Daine and Numair, then made Daine turn gay for no apparent reason. I wish you had kept Daine and Numair the way they were.

wow! I am not really a fan of slash fics but I like this! I wish you didn't make alanna die though. I really wish this could be continued!

Interesting. Though probably very imagined.
It is very short, but could be made longer. I don't see how people could be upset, its just love. Anyway it was enjoyable, and a different take. We need more of them.

your stories are normally good. i didn't think that you would write something like this. This isn't a flame, just a comment.