"BURN HER! BURN HER AT THE STAKE!" as Lemony Snicket?

Please. As long as there have been uppity women, there have been burnings. Geoffrey Chaucer was several hundred years older, and even HE stole that line. Much as I love Lemony, I resent the inept citation.
(yes, I am a Classics dweeb ^__^. Don't worry, I only do this to authors I respect enough to rant at.)

it actually sounds interesting. as i am Ebola's one and only fangirl, i must tell you that the fatality rate is 90 percent. This sounds inconsequential, but if it was twice as lethal as Ebola, it would have a fatality rate of 180 percent. Which is impossible. I'm sorry about being such a priss... Your story sounds good, though.

Very good. I quite enjoyed reading this. However, I notice you fail to... uh.. how would you say this... "re-quote" when you start another paragraph while someone is talking.

I.e.:

"Do you know, Holly," she said, much quieter, "do you know what I like best about you? You bring me the darkness of society right into the comfort of my house. You remind me what the world is like out there. If it wasn't for human nature, there wouldn't be distrust. If there was no distrust, there would be no need for mind-wiping.

I think I've been trapped in my illusions far too long. I retreated, into the world of commanding computers. The computers I own do not have a personality, nor do they have thought. We trust each other. But you, Holly Short, brought the cynical reality back into my life."

Is wrong.

"Do you know, Holly," she said, much quieter, "do you know what I like best about you? You bring me the darkness of society right into the comfort of my house. You remind me what the world is like out there. If it wasn't for human nature, there wouldn't be distrust. If there was no distrust, there would be no need for mind-wiping.

"[note this quotation mark]I think I've been trapped in my illusions far too long. I retreated, into the world of commanding computers. The computers I own do not have a personality, nor do they have thought. We trust each other. But you, Holly Short, brought the cynical reality back into my life."

Is right. Just makes it easier to read.

And why is the girl that Juliet tells Artemis about sighing nostalgically? I think you mean whistfully.

This is just nitpicking though. Overall very good. :)

Wow...good job! Keep going, don't just stop here!
--FPP

Yesh... Artemis is remembering just a little bit... Tee hee hee... It's all fun...
~
Yesh...
~ Mage Kitty ^^

hi ya. still havnt read the rest but sure its gr8. do u no wat wod b funny? if we lived in the same area or we went 2 the same school or we already knew each other?

hi ya. thanks for giving me that advice. it realy looks better. you said that your fic was useless but from what ive read its better than some ive read (though im not naming any)im sorry i dont usi commas(as my english teacher says) hav 2 go now Slán

Um...Hi! I kind of disliked your story. I don't mean to be a flamer but it was a little hard to follow. The Mary Sue I don't mind but you are switching over from a pooh clock to the beginning of the plot, which I still don't understand. I enjoyed your description but that was about it. Well, uh, I don't follow far enough to enjoy it or dislike it anyway so I will stop here.

The only thing keeping me from yelling "Mary Sue" is that chick's little sister... She's a freaking genius (but it doesn't really matter; she doesn't realize it) and outshines her sister by far... And Miri has made mistakes. Asides from knowing about the fairies (and being smart. But to associate with Artemis Fowl, you have to be smart), she's perfectly fine.
~
Great grammar/formatting btw...
~ Mage Kitty ^^