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| Alexandria Jade Lily Potter 2006-05-07 ch 3,  | abuseI LOVE IT! WHAT HAPPENS NEXT? PLEASE NEXT CHAPTER ASAP! |
| wolfzmasterz 2006-03-11 ch 3, | abusea little confusing but all the same a good story i well be waiting for your next update so well ill read ya later byb |
| Silver-Entrantress-Elf 2005-02-18 ch 3, | abusei love it!! Please update sppn! |
| japanese-jew 2004-12-14 ch 3, | abuseYou use some words incorrectly, like ruefully and surreptitious, but other then that its good. I'd like to see more of Harry in prison tho. (No, I'm not a sadist, but you can pile on teh ANGST! wootness.) Also, you spelled gel incorrectly in the first chapter. There aren't really any taxis out in Surrey. You could have him calling a taxi. Also, 'alternate realms' are FAR too over used. A relatively original idea would involve Harry summoning the spirit of a demon or something. . . (note, I'd be happy if you took half of my ideas.) Anyways, I'm glad that you're having Harry turn dark at a young age. Its like smoking, I bet, the younger you turn, the more likely you are to make it a habit. ;-) Update soon. |
| japanese-jew 2004-12-14 ch 1, | abuseYou write "I" once or twice. (this is just a small error). But anyways, there are a few other problems. You don't mention WHY Harry wishes to learn how to use a weapon. Harry doesn't hear about Deatheaters until his fourth year. You spelled deatheatters incorrectly. You give no reason for why Harry wishes to learn four different languages. (BTW, not all of the spells are latin, just so you know). Dumbledore was too cautious for Harry to have reason to suspect he was a pawn. You may wish to include a flashback scene where someone mentions how much of a manipulator Dumbledore is, and Harry realizes he's being manipulated. A reason why Harry might've wanted to learn how to use another weapon might've been because he saw wizards fencing in Knockturn Alley or something. DON'T HAVE HARRY GO TO A MUGGLE WEAPONS PLACE. It isn't original anymore, and you could have more innovative stuff at a wizard one. (Maybe you can transfigure your wand into a sword and still cast spells?) You could have it say in one of his books that if he wishes to adopt a new persona, he may wish to leave the country, and other languages could be useful for fleeing the country. As well, the story might be better if you wrote the story in First Person perspective. Good ideas, good writing, bad loop-holes. |
| Xx Bastet Mau xX 2004-10-15 ch 3, | abuseI love this whole Fic. I'm reviewing all of the Chapters. It's very good--continue it!^.^ |
| spectra2 2004-08-12 ch 3, | abusewow this is a great fic, i love the plot, udpate ASAP -spectra2 |
| spectra2 2004-08-12 ch 3, | abusewow this is a great fic, i love the plot, udpate ASAP -spectra2 |
| spectra2 2004-08-12 ch 3, | abusewow this is a great fic, i love the plot, udpate ASAP -spectra2 |
| Silver Scale Serpent 2004-08-04 ch 3, | abuseIntriguing... |
| Hobbs 2004-08-01 ch 3, | abusecool! keep up the good work. try to make the chapters longer. |
| Shadowface 2004-06-23 ch 3, | abuseThis is a pretty decent story and with a few more chapters it could be awesome *hint* *hint* please update soon! |
| groovyuv 2004-05-19 ch 3, | abusecool keep going, im lovin it! |
| HoshiHikari 2004-04-21 ch 3, | abusehey so where's harry...what kind of realm? who's that guy thats helping him |
| Shea Loner 2004-04-20 ch 3, | abuseGreat fic. It's a brilliant idea, and if you have yet to find any body I would Love to beta it for you. later Shea L. |