|Reviews for draco hatred towards his mother|
| Darko28 6/11/04 . chapter 5
“Draco, I know you know I am your father all ready; however I would like you to stay her until I have told all of the other death eaters. You will then spend all your time training to be even more powerful. You will still attend Hogwarts, but as a spy. You will be tort how to conker death like I have. You are the hare to my throne."
That is a quote from your story. Here is the same quote, corrected.
“Draco, I know you know I am your father all ready; however I would like you to stay her until I have told all of the other Death Eaters. You will then spend all your time training to be even more powerful. You will still attend Hogwarts, but as a spy. You will be taught how to conquer death like I have. You are the heir to my throne."
See the difference? It is now readable.
Keep on writing, I'm sure it'll get better.
| Darko28 6/11/04 . chapter 4
Um, good effort so far.
1) Your title itself is a grammerical mistake. It should be "Draco's Hatred Towards His Mother".
2) You're spelling Voldemort wrong. There is only one "R".
3) Crucio not crusio, and Lucius not Lucuis.
4) Capital letters would be a plus.
5) How would Draco know what was going on if he was upstairs during the fourth chapter?
Like I said good effort and keep working. It's getting better. :)
| Irrestible 6/11/04 . chapter 1
i liked it so far, but one tiny comment
it's crucio crusio. And indent the quotation marks. Captilize Malfoy, and other names.
Sorry if that's too critical
but the plot good
| criminy 6/11/04 . chapter 1
Draco doesn't have any siblings, according to J.K. Besides, if he did have a sister, she sure as hell wouldn't be named "Jess".
This is canon rape. The Malfoys are probably not great parents, but J.K. never said anything about them being abusers.
Ew! Voldemort had sex with Narcissa! That's disgusting!
| suicidalxthoughts 6/11/04 . chapter 1
First off all,
-Names have capitals!
-The spell Narcissa used is spelt 'Crucio'
-I think Narcissa was a little OOC,
I think this is very good for a first story though!
| Ruby the Troll 5/2/04 . chapter 1
"Please review and give any comments on how I could improve it."
For starters, you could capitalize all the names and the first words of sentences. Technical mistakes are very distracting to the reader, especially if they're made as many times as they are here.