[speechless] WOW! what a story!
firstly i want to say, sorry that I havent reviewed every chapter - i just couldnt stop reading, i had keep going!! it even got to the point where i had to go to turn off my laptop last night, but i continued reading on my phone! haha
your story was so engaging, every description, every minor detail was so clear and picture perfect, i couldnt help but fall in love with your story.
the attention to detail was amazing, adding even more depth to your characters and their individual stories and journeys.
i had an inkling about the ending, although i did want the fairytale ending, but knew it was never meant to be. the ending was beautifully done, i will happily admit that you brought me to tears! i did not want the story to end, but you closed it brilliantly.
i must commend you for your writing efforts - quite the journey and definitely a feat over such a long period of time!
an epilogue would be a nice addition too...just to see what happens to serena (just a thought, you obviously dont have to act upon!) i have my thoughts and ideas, but i'd be interested to know where you would send her on her next journey through life.
i cant say enough praises for this story of yours...however, i can say that i would give it a standing ovation :) it was worth spending the whole day reading as well as deep into the night. thank you so much for sharing!

wow, that was beautiful. i read this from start to finish -- and while i'm sad that this is the end, i do agree with the choice of ending. =) thank you thank you sharing this calibre of work with us.

Wow. First off, thank you for having the amazing dedication required to complete a story of this length and depth. Your plot was amazing and the ending was... greatly unexpected. XD I really appreciated how you created your characters and made them come alive.

Thank you so much for sharing.

~Kat

First and foremost, you are definitely one of the few fanfic writers who actually can write. You write beautifully and you imagination is endless! although sometimes its hard to follow who's saying what and what you're describing but that's just a tiny flaw if your writing i am sure you can perfect. The ending was just so sad! I cried for a good five to ten minutes, i was not expecting that at all! I prefer happy endings but nonetheless your story was extremely planned out and I LOVED it!

OMG I DIED! I cried so much! how could you? im sorry iknow this is your story but really? kill him, its so ssad, on some level i was expecting it but i thought nahh she wouldnt do that lol. guess i was wrong.
it was an amazing story, you should really be a full time writer ilove your style of writing. But oh god im still crying!

i find this chapter hard to follow... i dont really know who is saying what, and it is just unclear to me...

Well... that was a downer ending.

And here I had such hope.

Your writing is Crazy! for a fanfic this goes beyond! your not just some person who wanted to write a story. You are a writer!

wow! your a really good writer so much great detail!

Magnificent, pure magnificence.

I read and reviewed this story a couple of times and while I covered many aspects and know you will be proofing and going over it again.

Only in the truth of the emotions and the truth of the tears that claimed me in the final moments of this story is your brilliance crowned as glorious as the new queen Serena will become.

I think in short, that any writer that can elicit such a moving response in a reader has the ability to go anywhere, not only in the corridors of fanfiction, but in any form of writing you so choose, after you complete this re-write, I would say the seeds of a novel lie within this classic story, for fanfiction and original can sit as companions given the amazing journey.

The relationships between Shitennou and the women they love, the anchor of the period you chose as setting, reflects a historical context that supercedes any canon deviations IMO. The scenes where the Shitennou deal with the issues of the people under their care, the individual scenarios each vivid, clever, realistic and well thought through.

The twists and turns along the way, the love, the hate, the doubt, the rage, the tenderness and the lighter moments set against the backdrop of a complex series of political and individual struggle.

I have questions for a possible sequel, though bold of me, plot bunnies to consider:

1: Could Serena be pregnant?

2: Endymion's father?

3: Two foundation stones if you so choose could easily find plenty to think about.

So, in all a wonderful story and one that has left its mark. Thank you for sharing your magic with us! <3

First off, an excellent exchange of emotional tension and drama. The interaction between all the players in chapter 10 was amazing. I also loved the passionate climax in the end there.

Observations: some grammar and expression in places, try to avoid redundant modification of verbs, such as the 'ly' adverbs. extraneous ones like: slowly, slightly,softly, and gently are festooned throughout and are for the most part unnecessary. Showing not Telling in mundane 'body-in--action, the use of sat and sitting, often we can rephrase to reduce repetition and 'meet *with* your approval' in one sentence, the 'with' was missing.

Allow to loose, expression here and other minor phrasing, Sometimes you can go headlong into dialogue and not need to state the obvious, better to use another convention, like, 'she bit her lip to go on, or she steeled herself, or, took a deep breath and pressed on,

Also, be careful of 'end of sentence prepositions: 'with' 'of' 'about' etc, these should never appear at the end of a sentence.

Flow was beautiful, your world building as always superb, the color and depth the warmth of your characters leave a powerful and moving impression. You only need to tighten up on expression in a couple of places, cut the adverbs 'ly' back say less in mundane situations, with the body, and some tense issues, I think from memory 'response' should have been, 'respond' perhaps there are others, but a careful line-edit-proofing will sort those out.

In all, excellent chapter! <3

Omigosh, Why'd he have to die, now I'm crying. I am seriously sobbing my face off right now :(

Such an amazing story - If you've ever read Secret Sacrament then you should know what I'm feeling right now - Such an amazing story but it has an ending that makes you cry

Thanks so much for this!

I have read up to the 9th chapter and am thus impressed.

I will start however, with some grammar and related points.

I observed the contraction, 'alright' and as many use it, nonetheless I am compelled to point out that its use is not recognized as correct, the form 'all right' is the correct use for the slang. Only in post-modernist writing are such subversive usage applicable. But that was a minor infraction. There were some typos, 'learned, for leaned' and a small scattering of similar things, but on a proofing, and I recommend doing so at an end of a story, as this for writers will not slow you down during the creative process. Some slight repetition: 'bit' and yes, I know, my aversion to 'ly' adverbs, although I hasten to add, that recent-ly :D I have re-introduced them into my own writing, but only sparingly. as the worst offenders are the following: silently, gently, quickly, softly and slowly, the latter two can be used now and then, but often the modification of a verb is redundant.

Also, careful of the use of the word, 'bit' a lot of writers use it way too much and it is more noticiable in a historical/period-fantasy world. Contemporary speech tends to jar in such universes of writing craft.

I would also suggest finding where redundant body-in-action phrasing can be modified to be more succinct and the aspects of Showing and Telling applied, I think this especcially important in mundane actions, the largest infractions are often a 'blow by blow' of a hand, or bodilly movement that are extraneous and break the flow. The reader can envision such actions without a writer over-qualifying such things. Cutting out such padding will make your writing more concise, strenthen the narrative and the story will flow beautifully. <3

Story Itself

I love this so far. I was particularly touched by the scene in earlier chapters regarding Rachel and Jad, The exchanges at the dinner table were brilliant, your jousts set up between Sere and Dar, and Endy especially rewarding and I loved the empathy between Lita, Neph, Rachel and Neph, the scene where loyalties to the pseudo Darien and the others in the riding scene was a stroke of genius, demonstrating how Sere's relationships under the ruse has flourished under your storytelling magic. First rate characterization, imagery and world building superb, cultural overlays and such excellent and the intrigue, angst, tenderness and over-all affect of the piece is superb.

An epic is a journey and this is always for a writer, a rich and rewarding experience. I shall continue to enjoy this wonderful and well written piece<3 L.

I loved this story until the end. It's so sad!

it was simply beautiful...though i wish they could have lived happily ever after, it was still a beautiful story.