Oh, you are killing me here. I can see it all, even the computer screens with the gunfire. Your Michelle is perfect, and your Chapelle. You write action so well. (Taking notes.)

Interesting start! Looking forward to updates ... assuming this isn't completely abandoned. Definitely worth coming back to when you have time. :)

please update soon. i wanna know whats gonna happen! its very good up to now...

More please!

It's very good story and I like it. Update as soon as you can...

Glad to see you are still writing! Good chapter, can't wait for more of this, (or your other one - lol). ;P

This is a great start. Please continue. Cheers.

OK, this is really good. You grab the reader's attention right away, and you get them interested in finding out "What happens next?". Best of all, you have Jack acting like Jack...figuring things out, not playing it safe, one or two steps ahead of everyone else. Please keep writing this story...I think there are some interesting places you want to take us.

It's so interesting! Keep writing!

Hi there. I have to admit, since there was no apparent background about the case or why the CTU team was at the warehouse to begin with, I'm more than a little confused.
Could you please explain that in the next few chapters? That would be a really big help. Thanks.

Wow... It's so interesting. Please update as soon as tou can!:)

great story
i liked it

I like this so far, sounds like there could be a good fiction to come. More please lol