that was your first fanfic? That was really good- your characterization was pretty much on target and your ideas of a scene were brilliant- update it soon, I really liked it.

This is great, but it needs updating! I agree with the others though, Velma is a teeny bit out of character...

india

this was a good story, but yeah, velma was a little OOC and the writing was a little messy. otherwise, good job! update soon!
-lauren:)

This is so good, but you haven't been updating! Hey, in the past week I've posted 4 stories, so PLEASE UPDATE!

Nice fic. Velma's definitley a bit OOC, but I'm sure it'll work out as long as you explain it in upcoming chapters. All I think it needs is a meatier plot that can make it stand out more. Good job!
*Vivian*

Hm...I guess it's true, Velma is a bit more feminine than she usually portrays herself, but I still really like this fic so far. I hope you'll continue.

This writing is really good. I love the steaminess of it all...It's just I think Velma's a bit out of character, just a little too feminine. As you were describing her, my mind kind of brought up a mental picture of Roxie, not that I don't LOVE Billy/Velma pairings. I feel Velma is a little more dominant than you've made her here. Oh and I admire you for making Charlie Velma's first and only, though that's kind of hard to believe. lol ;D Anyway, overall I like it, please keep going!

Very nice little fic you've got going so far. I'd like to see you take this further. It's true, neither Billy nor Velma seems to be 100% in character here, but you can work more small details in later. Congratulations -- this is not a bad first fic!

The dialogue seems a bit forced, and Velma's a bit OOC, but it's worth reading. Update.