I kind of pity your character...boy is Atobe mean.

It's just a guess, but is your character ENJOY being dominated? I can't remember the word for this kind of demeanor.


Haha!

It's very well written though, but I recommend more spacing and paragraphs. Paragraphs that are too big sometimes make readers feel lazy to read, since it's a computer and not a proper book.

More spaced out writing is also easier on everyone's eyes.

Anyway, Great job!
Namikaze Hatake.

Oh let me guess Fuji and Yuuta! Hehe I love those two XD Very interesting little story you have going so far, you really should update *hint**hint*

Ooh, interesting. I'll be waiting for the next chapter! (Those little thoughts of Atobe you have are quite amusing.)

wow... for someone who's native language isn't english, you're good...:D
and i'm really enjoying the story.:D

ack. lemme guess. you think like a fangirl does, doen't you? anyway, the turn of the plot is getting interesting. please update soon

ohohohohoh! interesting! i want!
more! read! must! read more! i think its eiji and ryoma. i think.

Ano, do you plan to update? yes right? Its interesting, so please update soon!

I love your narration, let me just say. ^_^ It's witty, sarcastic and very appropriate in my opinion, in dealing with the Hyotei team and their captain, in particular. The story is interesting as well, especially the premise. While I dislike Atobe (being one of the previously mentioned people who will go as low as calling him "pighead"), this is something I would recommend to be read. :) Thanks for the great four chapters, and I hope to see more. ^_^

This story is nice and i think i know who atobe and ayako saw at the bakery shop. iT momo and ryoma. Pls update asap

Very interesting.

Question: What year is Ayako in?

Because she calls Mukahi and Akutagawa senpai.

Ok, found a few grammar mistakes and the formtatting isn't too much to my likeing but what can you do? :P I am amazed at you, you've managed to pull off a non-mary sue ^_^ Atobe is in character, the mary-er...girl...Ayako! ^^ Well, she's not particularly eye-catching, you didn't describe her in great detail so you kinda left her to be imagined by the reader, which is very good. I wll admit that I hate anything with OC characters just becuase they're so...blah. No point at all, I swear. This, is cute. You haven't rushed their relationship, if its possible for there to be one at this point but you'll manage XD I'm not so much a hetero fan (yaoi fangirl at heart ^.^) but since I love Atobe to death, I'll deal. Jsut as long as you don't write AtoAn *shudders* I dunno why but that pairing creeps me out >>


~Seiya

An update! Yay!

This part was good. I think that it's cute that Ayako wants to protect him even if she can't.

And the whole "briefs over boxers" thing was very amusing.

Who is it from Seigaku? Momo and Echizen?

Saa, well keep up the good work. Ganbatte!

Good job. You mananged to keep the characters in character so far, and Ayako has earned the status of Original Character, and not Mary-Sue. She is a well rounded character, and not overly perfect. Keep up the good work!

Hey! This is really interesting! Please continue.

please update soon! it was really good! =) i hope you did/do well on your exams! =)