In France, kids go to school on Saturdays.

it was cool

Open your ears.UPDATE DAMMIT!

Note: This IS the author of this story.
I just wanted everyone to know that, due to problems beyond my control, I've moved my story to w.codelyoko.com/us/forum

Go there to check it out in "The Factory".
I'm useing my pen-name as my user name, BTW.

NOTE TO CYREX: You probably wouldn't like this story, considering that I gave KOS-MOS a personality, and an unusual one at that. Plus, to be honest, not rude, you're picky. J/K

that's it? that's the end? you have a responceability to finish the story! am i right everybody? finish it!

i like it

Please continue with the chapters

thanks

*Looks over all of the reviews, including Cy's.*
Dang, I was amazed when this thing got one review, now I'm up to my eyeballs in reviews.

Ok, just so everyone knows, I'm not sure when I'll be able to get the next chapter, or chapters, in.
I'm currently looking for a job, my parents are thinking of moving, and aside from a library computer, which won't let me upload anything, I have no internet access.

When I do, then I'll start posting the chapters ASAP.

*Stares at Cyrex's reviews.*

Good grief, get carpil (sp?) tunnel syndrome?

I did these first two chapters quick during the last few days of school.

Hopefully, I'll be getting the internet at my home soon.

Chapter 2 is a notable improvement in the style and mechanics of the introduction. The paragraphs are more contained, there are more of them for the ideas, and it flows quite well.

The problem of skipping along too fast for the action to be believable remains, but has been reduced greatly. Definite progress, great work. Keep up this rate of improvement and I'll be on a run for my money.

As a huge fan of Raven, I approve of her entrance and the characterization. Her dry, sharp manner was well kept.

The spot most in need of revisions if you choose to inact them is the specific part where Edge and the others consider helping Ulrich and Yumi. It was very abrupt, each sentance conveying the same meaning you could use a paragraph for. It could be fleshed out a great deal.

Plot suggestion: Explain why on earth Yumi's dad is alcoholic?

The only real problem with the plot is that it feels like we came in in the middle of the story. A character named Aelita Xana comes in, but no one seems to notice the name 'Aelita'. Is this a specific plot issue, or what? If it's important that they don't recognize Aelita's name, fair enough, it's interesting.

The Gnosis, eh? I have three fan-boy obsessions... Rei Ayanami, Kos-Mos, and Raven. You're moving in on two out of three. So far Raven is being handled quite well, but you're on thin ice with this particular reader, just to give you fair warning.

For a first story, it's not bad.

Here are the actual mistakes:

The time jumps very rapidly. Yumi wakes up at 10:30, is outside at 10:35, meets the others, and suddenly its 9:30 and she's making out with Ulrich before they both say good night...

What happened to the rest of the morning, the afternoon, and then the evening?

Where did these other characters come from? If you don't want to give back-story, like the show itself, fair enough, but understand it's a bit of a stretch for a literary audience.

Personally, I think it's good, but could actually be really interesting if it was drawn out more than... a page and a half?

Then there's the simple mechanics. Paragraphs are your friends, use more of them. Most of your first part is a single, huge, paragraph (if you didn't intend that, modify the HTML).

It's your story, of course, but just my advice as a fellow fan of all three stories you're crossing over... Yumi and Ulrich probably wouldn't make out like that, even after a few years. Yumi is Asian, which means she sure as hell wouldn't do that in public view, Ulrich is a bit shy by personality, not just naivete, so it's not his style. That's my impression of them anyway, so you lost me at the very end there.

A catch phrase for you: "Explode the moment." Add more description, more detail, and more build up to the key events.

What you've actually got here is a detailed summary of the first part, if you want my candid review. It's a great hook, but honestly doesn't hold up too well on its own as a story.

Now with all that said, remember, just keep writing. If you want to write this story this way, do so. You can always write a new, 'special edition' later anyway. Lord knows my first story sucked, everyone's does, that's no reason to stop.

So there's my honest review.

yello love your fic please more

I like it! Keep going it sounds really promising! Great job, Juria!

This is awesome. One of the best Code: Lyoko ones I've seen so far. Finish it quick so I can read the rest!

That was good.

this is great! for teen titans, can it please b ravenxbeastboy?