...I bow down to your mad story-telling skillz, my friend. This is for sure one of the best fictions in this site, and not only in the Metroid section, dare I say.

Despite being a bit of a Metroid n00b, I have to say that the character development is ever superb.
I had an impression that your characterization of Samus Aran was a bit more on the "bad ass" side, other than the cold-blooded, disdainful killer she is. That, in my humble opinion, would be the only flaw this fiction could have. But otherwise, in the scenario you created, it worked well enough.

On a second read I had this morning, I found that the change in her character after her interaction with Adam was a bit on the quick side, other than the perfect pace I found it to be last night. That was probably due to the fact, that your story-telling pace is in fact perfect, just enough for the reader to adjust to every evolution in character however drastic it may be.
I, however, can relate to changes like these to a certain extent of course, I know what it's like to have the surface scratched, so even if the change was quick, it still retained the realism.

The sheer level of detail you describe each scene made me breathless. The sex scene in this is without a doubt the best I've read in the realm of fanfiction, it's written in a very tasteful and keeping the relevance to the whole story and point of it. One thing that caught my eye in it, is that you knew just where to stop and skip to the next part of the storyline, without getting carried away with it... Not doing that is the biggest flaw of all other fictions with a sex scene I read.

Overall, with a story this good, it leaves me wanting more chapters, perhaps with Samus' relationship to Adam before and/or after this. But kept as is makes this short and sweet. (damn sure this is going to my favorites list (: )

Amazing... damn fuckin' Amazing work. I bow down to you once again.

I have mixed feelings about this story. Your technical skill as a write are superior to most others on here. You give a level depth and complex description to the events, surroundings and characters emotions that are not commonly seen.

But I am going to have to agree with CMK and Spartan 76 that the romance between them is rushed and unrealistic. It would have worked better as a quick screw. But to have Samus melt so quickly and have such an emotionally powerful reaction, falling in love just like that, just isn't believable. You built up this incredibly complex and emotionally troubled persona for Samus in the first two chapters. That can't be solved so simply just by having sex. Powerful emotions like that need to be built on something and take time, they don't just happen on a whim.


That said the sex scene was both incredibly hot and tastefully written. I don't have such restraint writing a scene like that. And the final chapter was just horrifically depressing, which I believe is what you were going for. Though it would have had a lot more impact had you taken the time to properly build up their relationship prior to this.

Damn best written metroid fic I've ever read.

first word that comes to mind: disgraceful!

Adam would have been discharged for actions like that.
I wanted to see her fight and win.Or be fought and lose to one of the soldiers.

You can't like someone so much that you learn that they care about you and you have sex with them.

if anyone disagrees just say so.

She wasn't cold in that story,she just didn't like the soldiers.I personnaly like angering people,it would have been nice to see her fight,perhaps I should write something like that,the fighting I mean.
ha ha ha.

Wow...I can say nothing else. I have no words to match the sheer depth of this tale

A VERY good story, to say the least.
|
I do have a question - where did you come up with the idea for some of the back story? Was it from your own thoughts, or is there some information out there on this?
|
Again, a great story, and I look forward to reading more of your works.
|
MIKAA

Wow. What an amazing story. Even though love stories aren't my preferred genre, I found myself absorbed in this story. The insight into Samus's mind is unrivaled in the world of Metroid fanfictions. This story should become the archtype by which all Metroid romances are written. Keep up the good work. :D

I am in awe... What else can I say? It was beautiful, poigniant... You took an idea that could have gone horribly wrong and wrote it very well. Your portrayal of Samus felt very real to me, and it was an absolute pleasure to read. Wonderful.

Where do I start?

This fiction is well-shown and well-narrated, which is a testament to your experience. Also, your technical skill is superb, with none of the spelling or grammatical errors that too often plague other fictions. As a reader, I feel as though I were actually watching all of the scenery unfold before my eyes, your descriptions were so vivid and precise. Your diction and syntax are very well-rounded, conveying the thoughts exactly as you want them to appear. The dialogue is realistic, though nothing spectacular.

About Samus: I was disturbed by how quickly the Ice Queen thawed. The whole prologue and most of chapter one was spent building up Samus' personality as cold, distant, uncaring. So it's unrealistic to see her suddenly mellowing out in the next chapter. However, you do bring it about very gradually and without compromising the reader's sense of belief. The action is calculated like clockwork, so points for that.

Chapter one reads like two separate chapters. There's a change of scenery and characters from one part to another, and the perspective suddenly switches from Alec to Samus. This is a bit disorienting, especially since you seem to favor the perspective of the character who doesn't quite know what s/he is confronting. However, the reader doesn't realize it at first. It would have been better to separate these two parts into two chapters.

But that's just a small observation to an excellent short story. While I can't say that I'd highly the story itself, I do admire your storytelling skills. Keep up the good work!

I must applaud this. This is the first time, *ever*, that I have seen a fanfiction author write a lemon and make it actually relevant and necessary to the storyline.
Your portrayal of Samus was absolutely perfect; I'm still wondering how you were able to figure out exactly how she acted. The descriptions of emotions went well beyond the efforts of many other authors, and I am amazed that you were able to draw so much from something as simple as a touch on the shoulder.
Like Insomniac by Choice said, good Rs are very hard to come by. This story is, by far, the best R-rated story that I have ever read. I will be looking forward to your next stories.
~TheOneAndOnlyT

Intense is one word I could use :D Any Metroid fic where Samus is centered in a relationship is relatively a loaded gun. It could go so completely wrong because shes such a complex character - I myself dont think I could do it reasonably. But one of the things I see here is an exploration of a side of her I havent seen others touch upon. Where she is just a young woman: naive, frightened and needy. Its something so simple but fits so well. Frankly, I'm amazed there aren't more people reading this or any of your other Metroid pieces. Sometimes it sad to see talented authors become brushed away beneath the crowd.

Bravo, J. simply bravo.
Incredibly well written. Very good way of the realationship between the only human Samus has ever really cared about. I've not read the rest of the story yet, but I wonder if you plan to take this through to Adam's death...

That was hot... I don't know what else I can say... It's interesting to see just what can melt the Ice Queen. I'd always wondered if there was something between her and Adam, since I can't imagine anyone getting away with calling Samus 'Lady' unless there was some sort of bond between them. Excellent; I can't wait to see what happens next...

Oh well... I forgot that fics rated "R" don't show up unless you include them manually. Good thing I checked your FF Profile, or I might have never found it. Of course... then again, I should have known.

But anyway, about the story so far. You've certainly made each chapter carry some very powerful stuff. The "colorful" vocabulary helps it along too, of course, you were going for the bitter, dark Samus right? That would be up her alley alright. The scene with Samus and Adam... just stands out on it's own so far. So anyway, keep the writing going.

It's always a pleasure to see well-written fics about Samus Aran's mysterious past. I'm eager to see just what kind of relationship results here, since Samus is so cold at this time in her life - a true Ice Queen - it's difficult to imagine her thawing to anyone. Excellent so far.