Hey, lookie, I signed in to review this one!! *grins* Very, very, very nicely done. You handled the first person p.o.v. great and the piece has a nice feel to it. It's what I call poetic prose, kind of an in-between for the two types of writing and I think you handled it beautifully.

I'm not sure if you meant to be quite /that/ transparent about who you were refering to but the not-naming-names added something. *adds to fav stories list*

*sob*
sad...

hey, that was really good!

O_O Holy ** I love you woman. *stares in wonder* I mean like... hot damn. This is ** awesome. Its so... DARK. And I lovelovelovelove anything that is dark and uniquely written like that. You feel like, at first, he's addressing the reader, and then you realize 'Holy ** he's talking to/about Torn.' Which just makes the fangirl in me squeal like I'm totally insane. >.>

Anyways, I. LOVE. IT. *nodnodnod* You have to write more dark and spooky stories like this because there just aren't enough of them. And I'm putting this one on my favorites list. *nod* A kudos to your amazing skills. Keep up the amazing work.

_paperxflowers_

wow. that was good as!^_^
you are such an amazing writer. i love the inner struggle, it was so inspiring. im a new writer, working on my first fan-fic and...wow. you're a legend. keep writing1

Ok now we are on the same page The only good thing about sinility is every thing seems new.. I read this befor but even as a ReRead it seemed fresh & new to me..

Ok the only quirk I saw was that " I thought it was an internal dialog until the line : ( I can't be stoic all the time, no one can, Except maybe you. ) " That is not a bad thing & I beg you not to change it.
It was an interesting suprise...

Other than that I say: Who cares who they are "By Name or Sex"

It dose not have bearing on the story.. Good writing dose not require such trivial info, You were not file'n a report, You were tell'n a story.

I say well done !

Remeber my past rants on the old page ?

You are such a great writer,
Your Yaoi dose not even register on my Gaydar...

That was ment as a compliment...

I liked the story.
I cared about the characters because the emotion was clear & real.

Isn't that the point ? I don't need to know what the "Paring is"
That was just fine writing ( Period )
VN (Period )

0.O...Jak and Dark Jak, right? Scary...*shivers* but, good at the same time...*shivering again*

Oh! Very introspective and actually melodic- as I read it, it developed a sort of rhythm in my head (and parts of it rhyme). "Just because we can talk doesn't mean we should" applies to a lot of people I know- nice, wise words, there.
I have to say the very first part is my favorite. It's lovely crawling around the Jakmind you have created. I didn't see the "I love Daxter" part coming, and I liked how it swung around into "I hate you," and it wrapped up with "It hates you but I won't let it hurt you." Very cool.
Lessee... constructive criticism... I think it flows rather well, the only point where it felt kinda choppy to me is when Jak started talking about how he hates his voice. The um *counts* 21 and 22td paragraphs (counting the one liners) just seem a little... unrelated to the emotional rants above them.
I must now check out the link you speak of in your author's note. Hehe.

uhh...I like inner struggles and stuff but...that made no sense.*_* but over all, good

!! My wishes came true! You posted a fic! YAY!I did a fic like this; it's shorter and crappier... it's in the d.n.angel section.

This.. is awesome. I love how you integrated the four characters' thoughts and made it all run together like a picture... it was beautiful. I couldn't figure out who was who sometimes though! *sucks* That's not a bad thing, i'm guessing you were aiming for it.

Keep writing, Eva-san!

Ai, this is incredible! This is amazingly cool stream-of-consciousness-type writing. Brilliant portrayal of the struggle between Jak and Dark Jak. 'I want your blood on my hands, and it scares me, it scares me no end'... my god it's so emotional and scary TERRIFYING ARGH. I love that line, and I love the 'I'm scared I might one day wake up and find your blood on my hands' part later. It's... so... Jak.

Probably one of my favourite parts would be 'It wants to kill you now. Because it hates you. It hates everything, but it hates you the most.' It's... just... I don't _know_ why I love that bit so much. It just... striketh something within the Riona (proud owner of Eva's socks) and the Riona doth cry 'THAT IS SO COOL AND SCARY!' and stuff. So yeah. Did I mention that I really, _really_ love your portrayal of Jak? And Dark Jak? AND THE JAK/TORN *spasms*.

...I'm sorry. It's kind of late, and I'm kind of tired, and that makes me write reviews that sound like they were written on crack. They probably weren't. Probably.

Anyway. I adore his thoughts on Torn ('Don't you know that I love you?' *dies*). And I also like the way in which the end ties nicely back into the beginning. Awesome stuff. ^_^

that's so sad i'm still crying! you wrote as if you were Jak as if you knew the pain inside of him and it killed me to even think that that is happening to one once so innocent. I hate poetrey but if this is poetry then you'er the best danm writer i've ever seen!

Hey! Long time no talk. I'm sorry I've been so busy lately. And besides that, I'm grounded from the computer. I don't think I am anymore but I'm making sure they don't know I get on just in case.

Anyway, I loved the story. Quite interesting. I've never played Jak and Daxter or Jak II, but I think I get the picture. I don't what to pick about because its pretty much flawless, unless its inconsistent with the game, which, again, I can't comment on. However, I'd like to take a guess at who's who. The narrator is Jak I believe, and battling the Dark Eco inside of him? And he comments on Torn and Daxter.. I think. I don't know, I haven't played the game. Anyway, congratulations on another good story.

Oh my...this was really good! A lot of it makes sense to me...

My angsting poetry muse began lurking around where it could read this as soon as I'd read the Evanescence lyrics! The rest of the guys in my head liked it too. Now if only they'd shut up for a bit and stop singing in latin...

I WISH you had posted that earlier! That is absolutely amazing! When you die, can I have your brain? O.O My favorite line was this one: "It hates me, and I hate it, and neither side is losing." That makes so much sense to me and yet it doesn't because it can be interpreted many ways. Don't ask me how. I can't word it. lol. I'm actually writting a fic now where Dark Jak is really, reall mean to Jak! O_O It might take me awhile, though ^_^" Anyways, beatiful story. Can't wait for more!