I really do think this is nice. I agree with SleepyNguyen about overdoing the short sentences; it's a bit of a turnoff, all the stacatto, but I still enjoyed it.

Nitpicks:
"this stupid wood box" = "wooden".
"this little room full of my dead laughs" = "laughter"

Like I said, this is a generally good fic--especially for someone who doesn't speak English for his/her first language. I liked the imagery and concept you wove into it. ;P

Thanks so much for this. I was getting SO SICK of seeing all the Urumi/Yoshito fics (which by the way guys, isn't even canon. This fic IS canon, read the manga). So thank you so much for this little Urumi/Onizuka fic. And by the way, you wrote in better English than many of the English-speakers who post here. ;)

Good job. I like it although i might not get it so much. But all the same. You should write more. I'll keep an eye out for you.

Kind of creepy... I'm not sure if I understood it right, but still, creepy >_>

anyway, short is better than nothing ;) I suggest that you get either native speaker as prereader(though even if he/she isn't, he/she can help you some), or write in france and let someone who you know to translate it.

About the fic, well written, and it surely sounds like Kanzaki. Why don't you try to write a longer one? I'm sure you can find someone to preread it for you :) Added you to author alert list and added the story to favorites

yo bon bah voila une otre personne "française" qui lit ton texte! juste pour dire que c'est tres "touchant" ( ça se dit sa en français lol) ce ke tu écris meme si c assez triste (snif...) j'adore le passage quand tu parle des mots "jamais" et "tjrs" apres l'avoir lu je me suis rendu compte ke t'avais raison et sa fé drole parcke on les utilise presk tout le temps. Mais c kan meme mieux d'y "croire " a c mots non?

I wouldn't have guessed that you were actually French...good, frankly.
(Well, as I'm also French...but still.)

the fic's short.. [obviously].. but it's actually nice.. yeah.. write more.. :) good job.

j'ai pas tout compris mais j'ai bcp aimé. et ta tort si tu écris en français au moins une personne te liras promis: moi. :)

Very good. I don't think anyone would write something like this.

Slightly confusing, but a good monolouge. The short one-liners are ok, but slightly overboard with them in my opinion. Also like the whole Kanzaki/Onizuka thing (even if it might be interpeted as more of a family love).

(By the way I do like Kikuchi/Kanazaki, Onizuka gets too much attention from girls as it is.)