OH WOW! COmpletly and utterly perfect I loved it a lot! Great job mate! Awesome and so cute! Very beautiful moment!

It was beautiful! :'( Boo hoo!

Your sentences just flew by, and the plot does not suck! Coz io want u 2 write a sequel 2 it pliz :) The language was fine i like ur style!

That was a really cute story! It wasn't weird and the plot is fine. See what happens when we authors are in a weird mood, we write a good story! Great job!

DAP

I like it, it's really well written, and it's not weird!

I think it's quite...no it's really sweet and I can really act the whole thing out in my head, you know seeing it happen as though it was on TV or something like that!

Plot doesn't suck either, a bit too mushy for me but i'm not one for mushy stories, and if i was i'd probably cry...probably.

And i agree with you, never fight with ya mum! ya never win!

Anywhos that's my attempt at constructive-ness, hope it worked!

Toodle-OO

*AUS*

Oops, almost forgot.

I'm not as taken with your final sentence as other reviewers. The structural idea is fine, but the meaning seems rather over-the-top for the story content. "A desperate kiss for a desperate moment" is fine because both of those things appear clearly in the story. The rest seems pretty melodramatic.

HOWEVER, if you're going to write more that explains the desperate day, year, and times, THEN that sentence is a teriffic lead-in to get the audience interested. I'd like to see writing that delves into all this desperation. If you plan to do that, then PLEASE disregard all my silly criticism.

Once again, a good idea and a nice start. Keep it up!

Nah, the plot's fine, it just needs a little touching up. No worries-everything does.

I'd like to see Jack explain his reasons a little. I think that instead of "you" just knowing his motives, he should mention that he has her safety in mind, etc., and then she can do an "You knew he was right. He explained it every time..." sort of thing.

As far as language(this is my favorite thing to review, so bear with me):

You have a lot of good descriptive words, but the way you use some of them seems a bit clunky. Often just restructuring the sentences a bit would help-"you nod imperceptibly" rather than "you imperceptibly nod," for instance. It's just a more standard grammatical form, and I think that sort of thing makes the story read more smoothly.

Also, I would be inclined to advise you against using "curmudgeonly." It's a mouthful, and it means "grasping, greedy, or miserly" according to my dictionary-probably not your intended meaning.

I do think you've got some good stuff here, particularly in terms of emotional content. I've found that often it's good to write when one is in an odd mood, for both personal and literary reasons. You're doing well-keep it up!

Also, thanks for giving me a chance to critique diction...

You don't give yourself enough credit. That was good. The plot was fine.If you don't already, write some more. You have potential. Don't worry so much about bad stuff to say...always look at the bright side...or at least try.

A sulky brunette

That was absolutely wonderful, I couldn't have done it better myself. You rock, girl, keep it up. The last line... wow. It was great.

"A desperate kiss, for a desperate moment, on a desperate day, in a desperate year, during desperate times. You and Jack’s relationship fit in perfectly in these times – desperate."

I love it. *standing ovation*

Always,

Heaven Marquin, The Bonnie Pirate Lass

Hey sulky redhead! (Before getting mad at me...YOU put it that way! :) )

I don't think the plot sucks as much as you seem to think yourself. Actually, I liked it. It's different and I like to think that jack Sparrow can be serious too, but...you asked for constructive criticism... I noticed one thing...a few times... You do jump a little in time (have absolutely no idea how you say that in English). You begin writing in the present (WHY can't I remember the correct terms?) and then, sometimes, you write in the past.

But that's all I noticed. But then again...English is not my native language. I may have missed something!

But I do like this little thing you wrote when you were mad at your mum!

Drink up me hearties, yo ho!

Hm...well I say it's a keeper.I have a bit of a weak spot for fluff,a guilty pleasure I suppose.