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| Wren Da'ar 2006-03-18 ch 5,  | abuseOkay...good storyline. Although a bit cliche, you've obviously thought about it and I enjoy the sarcastic tone. 3 things: 1.) Get a beta reader! 2.) Break up your paragraphs. You should start a new paragraph every time a different person speaks. It will make it TONS easier to read. 3.) The descriptions are good...but it starts to get redundant when you only refer to Conrad's hair as a "shock of black." Keep having fun writing! |
| Bloods Commendance 2005-07-26 ch 1, | abuseI found the story to be quite entertaining. I never wanted to stop because the feel of it took me back to when I was younger, reading fairy tales about stunning knites and ruthless dragons. It pained a wonderfully vivid picture in my mind. I am not a big fan of reading... which I, myself find ironic condsidering im on a site based on that subject alone. This is the first story on the site I have read, and that story will keep me reading others. The only thing I had a distaste for was the fact that you used objects from movies already made. Like the magic carpet, or the mirror, not to forget crystal balls. I understand its a fairy tale, and needs to have a feel of that to it, but taking from Disney classics might have been a wierd move. Other than that the story was wonderful, and after I finish this review, I am gonna read the next chapter. |