 J Luc Pitard 2009-08-26 . chapter 5Many stories about Kaname and Sousuke end with them becoming romantically involved, so it was interesting to see it progress from there, strain and then become close again. It was very sweet (as someone who lost a mother quite young) to see how her family trauma subconsciously effected her relationship. Good on her for figuring it out. Sousuke's explanation for her behavior was also quite rational. Good writing. |
 Otaku's Moon 2009-07-22 . chapter 1wow, i really like this! however, one thing has been driving me insane; WHERE IS YOUR GRAMMAR? Please, i beg of you, add quotation marks and the like. It's a great story, but it would be even better if you added in all those marks! |
 Blueninja33 2009-03-29 . chapter 1Great fic! I only wished that you'd used quotation marks when people are talking. It's hard to tell and a little confusing without them. |
 Monito 2008-12-14 . chapter 5very sweet i really love it |
 Snowing Moon 2008-04-25 . chapter 2YAY, the apostrophes and dialogue markings are here. Well, once again, nice job. XD |
 Snowing Moon 2008-04-25 . chapter 1Needless to say, I love you plot...like, a lot. But seriously, what's with the missing apostrophes and dialogue markings? If you need a beta, I'd gladly help when I have time... |
 edao 2007-10-06 . chapter 5A nice story, easy to read with a nice flow. Not overly outstanding though. Good characterisation, mind you, but it lacked a certain kick if you get my drift.
A few points worth mentioning:
Choice of words - sometimes you used words inappropriate for the scene (“as if” instead of “like” at the end of fourth chapter for example)
Use of punctuation - the apostrophs at the beginning of the story appeared as squares to me.
Ed
(I won't say I could have done it better though, since I couldn't) |
 Manthor 2007-09-05 . chapter 4Good work.
Was inspired by your intimacy scenes to try and flavour the ones in my story similarly. |
 totallyloud 2007-07-03 . chapter 5really like this story ^^
is there going to be a sequel?! XD |
 totallyloud 2007-07-03 . chapter 2this story is really good ^^
it can somehow relate to how you will really feel in their situation ahihihi XD |
 This is my name 2007-04-24 . chapter 2This story is really good so far! Although, it would be nice if you added quotation marks to chapter one, or used italics, or something to distinguish between narration and speech. |
 This is my name 2007-04-24 . chapter 1good story, but i suggest the use of quotation marks. these things: "" |
 Noobelinoob 2006-11-14 . chapter 5Lovley.
I recentley started reading the manga and the books, got kinda hooked on FMP.
And this story just makes me more addicted. |
 Desaix 2006-09-25 . chapter 1Haven't started reading much of this, yet, but I noticed upon opening the page that this chapter has a number of corrupted characters. I looked at later chapters and don't see the same problem, but every quotation mark has been replaced with something else. |
 lady-water-dragon 2006-08-19 . chapter 5Hey! That was nice, short and sweet! Keep it up! I loved how you kept them in character! Sousuke and Kaname are adorable!! |