Nice. Good stuff. I like it.

Nicely done, this peice was well-written, especialling over Matthew's angst and sorrow. The part over when Serra arrives to comfort him was accurately established. An interesting pairing but I like just the same.

nice way to put a fic. i do not support matthewserra but this is reallygood.

it seemed like an overly drawn-out poem

Normally, I have a strong aversion to any story that clocks at less than 5,0 words, but there are exceptions to every rule, and I trust Shnickers to pick a good story. It is because of her explicit recommendation that I am going to review your story and see what it brings to the table.

This review will use my new (CPESHO) system. For each criterion (except Heart, which gets either a positive or a negative), I will award a rank (F, E, D, C, B, A, or S), and I am extremely stingy when it comes to the high ranks. Most authors are going to fall between F (failure) and C (average). This particular review is up to date as of the end of the (one-shot) story.

CHARACTER -- B
Normally, it takes a great deal of writing to adequately express a character and the things that motivate her / him, but you succeed in taking a good 'snapshot' of the two characters in your story, making their situation simple, but profound -- easy to understand, but not too fluffy.

PLOT -- N / A
This story is too short to have a real plot, and it is based almost entirely on the two characters it depicts. Thus, I cannot fairly give it a 'plot' score.

EMOTION -- C
Your text is all about the emotion, and, though I think you lay it on a little thick, it comes across very well in what you have written. There is a good sense of what both of your characters are feeling.

STYLE -- B
-- Be careful when writing entirely in present tense.
-- 'meet his deaf ears, and he does not hear'
-- 'once-harmless memories'
-- 'small tent beneath the beautiful, star-lit sky'
-- 'suffocating inside on each and every'

HEART -- :-)
You know, for a yaoi writer, you, at least, SEEM to care about this mildly heterosexual piece. It has heart, whether you like it or not.

OVERALL -- B
I can see why Shnickers likes this piece. I, myself, am not a Matthew / Serra fan (I prefer Sain / Serra), but this is one good example of how to take the two of them and make them click. Your description, while slightly overdone, is well-crafted and effective, conveying emotions without relying on the thoughts of the characters. You have skill, and I would certainly like to see it come into play in a longer story.

...I actually cried.

Wow i'm suprised that your writing het.I love your stories even if I don't like the parings and I really don't like Serra/Matthew...I prefer Matthew/Guy.But anyways Good job and I look forward to your next fic

Who cares if it's het. It's wonderfully written. *huggles you(

I absolutely love the Matthew/Serra pairing. You're a literary genius! The descriptions are great, the narration is creative, overall a job fantastically done. Hm. Have any more stories? I especially like your closing line. Jeez.

I'm losing my train of thought right now, but I like the wordless gestures, the comforting touches, the little nuances you put in that make this story so... right, I guess is the way to put it. Heh. A sequel for when he holds her without the tears would be awesome. Even if heterosexuality isn't your cup of tea. (or whatever you said... ^_^)

Hope to read more from you.

Love,
Akemi

O_o;; Woah.,. Melfice, you're actually writing HET?! *faints* Wow! Then again, if you were ever to write het, I kind expected a Serra x Erk or a Jaffar x Nino.,. After all, you do seem to like Matthew x Guy a lot.,. >>;;

Anyway, I liked it! ^^ Even though I personally don't like Matthew x Serra, it was very well-written.

thought i prefer erk/serra to matthew/serra, i think this is one of the best stories i've read in any catagory. your writing style is very intriguing.

Wow, that was really good. The words you used in your descriptions were really powerful, so they had a big impact on me. And personally, I had no problem with the shortness because you were able to get your point across. Stories don't have to be really long, they just need to say what needs to be said. So great job!

Let me get one thing straight. I don't like this pairing. But that doesn't mean I don't like your story. Well-written, and very descriptive. Just need one improvement, longer length. Us, reviewers, always enjoy longer chapters by far and you need to improve on that. Please update.