I stopped reading it. You make my eyes hurt.

Dune is often said to be the sci fi version of fantasy Lord of the Rings. Both are masterworks, written by great writers, and have excellent main & minor characters.

Main difference: LOTR: 22 388 fics. Dune: 40. !

Even tiny LOTR characters like Grima or Ioreth (!) have their own fanfics, sometimes their own fanclub! Strangely, none cares to write about Dr Yueh, Piter de Vries or Hwi Noree. Why? Could it be because a Mary Sue would look kinda dumb in Dune universe (imagine the Sue flirting with a Guild agent because she can’t afford a space travel, or lost in the desert with Paul and Jessica… urgh)? Think about it! We need Dune fics! Fellow Dune lovers, do something!

paragraphs please!

I weally weally wiked dis! (coughs then takes cough drops) I mean I really really liked this.

I found this amongst the achaic classics list, and you probably aren't doing anything with it, but if you are:

Try doublespacing on 'Word'; it makes a world of difference

Please,for the sake of old eyes-make a couple paragraphs so I can read this. By the way, welcome to ff.net.

This story may or may not be good but if you dont devide this up into paragraphs just forget about it!

Mmmh? I would nearly assert that this little narrative is taken from the great Piter's perspective, though there is a chance that you wouldn't imagine a tainted sort like Piter under any form of domestic travail, though his cruelty seems to implicate a messy family life prior to the Arakeen incidents that led to his demise. If you would only circumvent and expound the situation more I'm certain you could have a marvelous piece of fiction. The formatting could use some reformatting as well.

Your story is a good outline, but needs to be fleshed out.

Here's a link you may find useful...

http:/www.geocities.com/supchara/HowTo2.html

okkkkk... i like the plot, i like the details, but i think it needs a bit of elaboration, this story could probably be about 150% longer if you did that

the thing with the straw sounds a little like sniffing crack heheh o well it was pretty good.

interesting. you might want to format this into paragraphs and make it easier to read.

Errr...a little paragraph here and there won't hurt, you know ;) The story is quite...interesting, but this huge one paragraph deal is quite unpleasant to the eyes.