Proper nouns are not capitalize in the story. You have run-on sentences this story and other grammar mistakes in this fic, also. You have problems mainly in the punctuation area. You probably need to get ahold of an English book and look up the rules in that area. The song called "Rollin'" needs to be surrounded by commas or dashes. Typos are scattered all through this story. You seriously need to think about getting some one to beta-read for you, before you post another fic. It would help you in the long run.

Hehe... very cool! :)