Sorry, but after getting this far, it seems like nothing can go fully right in this story. If something good happens, there is always something added on at the end that ruins the experience. That and it feels like no one can do anything but fight. HBP seems more like a useless title, being that he might have to start thinking about more responsibilities, but even as the prince, he is stuck under the thumb of every adult, even when he is already considered an adult. If he challenged Remus to a duel, and won, then he could say that he no longer needs adults as his protectors. It just seems to contrived.

Your writing itself is well written, and your plot has some neat ideas. You can see that by how far I got into the story, but it is starting to feel old.

Wow just wow, this has got to be one of, if not, the most amazing Harry Potter fanfic I have ever read. I mean half the time I'm reading this I'm either A) Laughing my ** of or B) enthralled by the amount of character depth you put into character both new and old. I love how you make certain characters who seemed rather dull or unimportant are suddenly brought into new light. All of your OCs are just amazing normally I'm against having a large amount of OCs and going this far off from the canon but this is truly amazing.


I love this fic.

Hi,

This is an outstanding first chapter - It is well written, explains the coming story and is as exciting as they come.

Thanks for sharing your stories,

Old-Crow

umm... i don't want to sound picky, on the chapter name if you didn't notice you have it spelled freret instead of ferret. just thought id throw that out there.

hey i love this story so far but i am getting a bit confused. could you like make a basic list of all the relationships up till chapter eight. can't wait to read more. i would really appreciate your help. bye

awesome story so far!

Well I grew to love this story so much I increased it's rating to 5 out of 5 stars on 'FavoritesTracker org' under the acct:EvilDaveCanada

Not a very climatic chapter for getting rid of Voldy. Also in a life and death struggle who use a stunning curse?

Truthfully, I really quite like the plot of this story so far. I just wish that there were a few less grammatical errors all over the place. It's pretty hard to read a sentence that goes on and on for three or four lines without a single break or comma, and it hurts my eyes when they have to keep on moving through the long sentence without a break. Otherwise, I like it. Thank you for the read.

I don't really normally reply to these pathetic flames but this one frosted my cookies!!

I don't know who you think you are, but it's clear that you have an ego the size of the universe and someone needs to bring you down to size. I don't really give a flying fig what if you think my story or writing is passable or not! I write for my own enjoyment not for a bloody English Lit class!! I write real time as in how one actually speaks!!

Although, it's not like a god blessed prim and proper staunchly tight ** so full of himself that he has to have nothing but the best to beta his story would understand what writing for fun is in the first place!! I choose to write because I love it and if others like it then good for them!! If not well it's their loss...I'll have you know that I have some avid scholarly readers not unlike yourself that adore my work and are waiting for me to finally release my own work for everyone to see!!

I don't use a beta because frankly I don't believe in them or having someone tell me how I can and cannot write my stories... They are mine and mine alone...I've been writing since forever and no staunchly grammar nut is gonna get me to change my ways. Many have tried and all have failed...I 'm just stubborn that way. I believe in the freedom to express one-self in words and my grammar is not nearly as bad as you are implying I use Microsoft word and it keeps me in check grammar wise.

Everyday a new reader discovers my story and becomes enchanted by it even more so since JK ruined the last to book of the series. In my story they can see that it is possible for the hero to vanquish the villain, find true love, regain his family, and yes live happily ever after with more adventures to come...

It's prats like you that think you're gods gift to writing that make others that see this as an outlet or means of enjoyment from the turmoil that life sometimes throws one that leaves a bad taste in ones mouth! You sir should try and take some enjoyment in reading someone’s work. Believe it or not there is more to life than perfect grammar in this world and when you get passed that an adventure just may be waiting for you.

I feel sorry for you it must be hard living up to such stringent rules and expectations in life. Gods it’s like I’m dealing with Professor Severus Snape.


Hoping you actually get a life,

Cindra Lawson

OK -

This is not a bad story...but there are DESPERATE editing errors that need to be corrected. One of the things that drives me NUTS is reading someone's work and wanting, at almost every paragraph, to tear it down and re-build it because the editing is so SLOPPY. And yes, I'm saying your editing is sloppy. Don't get mad about it. It's fixable. If your writing just *sucked*, I won't bother to post a review.

So - here's an example of what you wrote: "“Well these are much worse than that. Dementors wear black decaying robes, their very skin looks like it is rotting off their flesh, and they have dead looking faces with a round hole for their mouths. This Creature feeds on the happy emotions of humans. The very kiss of a Dementor will suck out your soul, leaving you an emotionless empty shell.” His explanation brought chills down everyone’s spines."

It should have been written as follows:

"Well, these are much worse than that. Dementors wear black, decaying robes. Their very skin looks like it’s rotting. They have dead-looking faces with a round hole where their mouths should be. This creature feeds on every happy emotion of humans. A dementor’s kiss will suck out your soul; leaving you an emotionless, empty shell.” They could feel the loathing in his words and his quiet tone left them in chills that had nothing to do with the temperature of the room.

OK? One of the things you are not doing is taking the time to read the story slowly and listen to where the natural pauses are. Read it out loud to someone else and you'll begin to hear where you should be putting your commas. Also, listen to how the phrasing is structured. Fixing those two things will do A LOT to improve the story and make it that much more fun to read.

OK?

The_scribbler

very great story, i like it.

Outstanding story with a blending of the magical, non-magical and the mythical, if this last is the right word. I have read all four complete stories in this series and have read the available chapters for their sequel. Again thank you for writing a very enjoyable story.

William
t

Outstanding chapter. Outstanding story.

gunny

Outstanding chapter.

gunny