wow very powerful.

This is wonderful! ^_^

Very nice piece, very thought provoking. I'm looking forwards to the next chapter.

Only a few critiques: You repeat words a bit too often. It's good for effect, yes, but not really that good if you use it too much.
Also, some of your punctuation and grammar is a bit off. Read through it again and see if you want to change anything.
Could you tell us what Falenton's species is? Or is that coming in the next chapter...?

I'm adding you to my Author Alert list. Very good piece!

You asked me to tear this thing apart, so I will. I'm warning you that I might sound scathing, but I'm trying not to be. It's just the way my words come out in a review.
-
Critiques: "It as at this time that one's life and character are judged, and this is the time in which it is decided where they spend their eternity. This is the time in which one lives for, the time in which they die, and they see for themselves the truth."
-
I don't think this flows. Also, the sentences look about the same length. Remember to vary your sentence structure.
-
"It is only at this moment that they can see their character with eyes unclouded,..."
-
I'm not a real grammar freak, in fact I'm very poor at grammar. This probably isn't right and maybe just goes with your style, but I think you need a comma between 'character' and 'with'.
-
I think you might be using too many 'ands'. It's okay every once in a while, and I know what you're trying to get across, but I believe it disrupts the flow.
-
"This is death, this is truth."
-
This pertains more to style, I believe. I would put a semi-colon where the comma is instead, but do what you feel is best. If you do put a semi-colon you might have to change the wording a little, too.
-
"The answers to the questions that linger in the minds of all, tugging at the hearts and minds of all living and able to comprehend the end."
-
You have 'minds' twice. Change one of them into 'conscience' I think. I believe you also need a comma between 'and' and 'living' since you're referring to the minds of the living.
-
You're saying phase too much in paragraph four. I know repetition is good in a fic like this, but you've already got 'death' repeating.
-
Paragraphs 4,5, and 6 all begin with Falenton. Different wording, maybe a different title. Or you could reword. You could use Warlord. Or even tyrant. Just something different.
-
"They referred to him as "lord," he was their leader."
-
I'm very sure you need a semi-colon use at the end of 'lord'. Otherwise the sentences are too fragmented, but it's awkward if they're only seperated by a comma.
-
"They depended upon him once, to fix all their problems, to be responsible for the well being of every single one of them."
-
You don't need a comma between 'once' and 'to'.
-
"Never again would lord Falenton Vednais cry."
-
'Lord' needs to be capitalized.
-
Other critiques: I don't think you told this with enough emotion. I can't really say how to write with emotion, though. I can write with emotion, it comes rather naturaully to me (though I could be wrong, my readers tell me I write with emotion). If you had Messenger I might be able to instruct you on-line.
-
Overall: I liked this piece. Very thought provoking and philosophical. Philosophy is one of my favorite parts in a story; you integrated it nicely into this. I would have to agree with you about death being the truth, but that's about as far as my beliefs really go. Great job, RedFerret. I look forward to buying your books in stores should you become an author.
-
~Kayla Silvercat
PS: My internet died on me just as I was sending this. I copied and pasted this before I sent it and I'm glad I did. Otherwise I would've had to rewrite it.

Hey, this is actually a really good perspective of a lesson learned or one taught, i think that it tells alot and if you read it over and over again, you'll begin to understand what this story is saying, awesome job..

uh...what's preach? I'm just kidding, I'm really not into these kind of fics in particular, but in a way i enjoyed(not enjoying death that is). I for one know that alot of people would like this. Not really a good critic in and grammer problems and i'll just stop here.

Wow...that is an excellent start to this...the explanation of what death is was very interesting (though maybe a little repetitive, but in this case it's not such a bad thing, more like emphasis). Falenton's absurd sympathies for his own murderer was definitely an ineteresting touch, really shows off what his life was. On ly little problem I'd have with this is the wording on the two last lines, but since that's mostly just me I'll just say that they're a very nice ending anyways.
~
Very nice start that you have here, Red. Very nice.
~avlblu