Ugh... this is terrible. It would take much too long to give critism, but I do not want you to take this as a "flame."

Just work harder at writing in a normal tone, instead of script form. Try using paragraphs, for example. Have you read a novel; take the format of that and attempt and honing your skills towards the likes of that.

One thing I am curious about, although, is why Link says, yes, to Navi in French. Hyrule is an alternate universe, with different races and a different language. Why, oh why, did you find it to be a good idea to include him speaking a language Hylians shouldn't know exsist!

Signed,

Calista-Cousland

i think the storie is great and i totaly want more if you would plz

dat was good! write more! Cliffie!

Its called proper english
In the immortal words of Tingle
"Tingle, Tingle, Kooloo-Limpah"

zelda has blue eyes

THAT WAS WEIRD. ANYWAY IT TENDS TO GRAB YOU SO WHAT HAPPENS TO ZELDA

MORE,MORE,MORE!

:]

Make Zelda die!

this is very good but i want to hear the rest

Punctuation check please.

Try not to write in play format. That format reeks and doesn't let you write to your full potential.

That was a little wierd. Here's why, okay, forst off, it's in script form... and that is irritating. And one minute the king hates Link and the next he could care less. Kinda wierd ending too, if ya ask me. Are you gonna write a sequel or leave it?

What happened to Zelda?write a sequel!

yikes. that was really weird. like, the way you say things. it sounded- let's just say different.