|Reviews for The Curse Of The Evil Tree|
| Raving Adelaide 4/17/06 . chapter 1
I'm probably wasting my time because this hasn't been touched since last year, but I'll do it anyway for anyone who happens by. This story is alright. The detail is good which something that's hard to master *thumbs up* "Cindy made a determined effort to concentrate. She was a good student. She got good grades, handed work in on time, was praised for her attentiveness. She certainly didn't fall asleep in class." This is a great description of Cindy. Kudos!
However, a minor thing is the usage of, for example, "she replied," "he admitted," "Adam interrupted," "guessed Sally," et cetera. "Said" is the word you should be using the majority of the time because anything else draws too much attention and disrupts the flow of the story - "asked" is another one you can use regularly. But under certain circumstances it may be a good idea to draw that attention - you need to use your writer's intuition ;) Also, there's a very minor problem with active and passive voice. Here's a sentence from the story: "'Former teacher with a grudge against students?' guessed Sally." "Guessed Sally" is passive and sounds slightly awkward, it should be "Sally guessed."
Also, there are grammar problems with the conversations in this story. Here's an example:
"'I have total sympathy for you' said Watch after they had finished, 'Mr Marshall has to be the most boring person who has ever lived.'
'Personally I'm not convinced he's human' added Sally.
'He could be a robot' Watch suggested."
This is how it should look like:
"'I have complete sympathy for you,' Watch said after they had finished their stories. 'Mr Marshall has to be the most boring person who has ever lived.'
'Personally I'm not convinced he's human,' Sally said.
Watch pushed up his glasses. 'He could be a robot.'"
This is always the format you should be using. It goes: "What the character says," character said. "Character then says something else." If you put a sentence before the first quote i.e.: "Watch pushed up his glasses," it is always followed by a period. Generally these leading sentences are used for accentuating actions or thoughts. Here's an example right from the story: "They reached the end of the queue. Sally stepped up to the counter and took a plate of grey mush with potatoes." This is a good example of a leading sentence. The speaking part that follows it, however, needs a little attention. This is the original quote: "'Actually' she said 'You're right Cindy.'" There's no need for the pause between "actually" and the rest of what Sally says. If you use pauses like this it should be for a good reason because they are dramatic. Using "she said" in between is inappropriate here as well because it brings the pause to a stand still because "she said" needs to be followed by a period. It should be more like: "'Actually,' she paused, thinking a moment, 'you're right, Cindy.'" That is, if the dramatic pause was appropriate. It should, in this case look like: "'Actually, you're right, Cindy,' Sally said." The comma is all the pausing you need here.
Anyway, these are all minor problems, but getting these seemingly insignificant rules down will make you into a great writer and even change your school marks (really, I promise - I've just completed first year University and I have seen the differences throughout highschool and this last year). These little details will mean a lot in the long run, but hey, it's hard remembering all this stuff. Practice is key ;)
| impatient 6/22/05 . chapter 3
Pleaase continue. Please?
| towiks 5/28/05 . chapter 1
another spooksville fic!
| WeaSeLL 4/11/05 . chapter 3
whoa! great story! keep going.. waiting for the rest of it. it really does sound like a chris pike thing. ] write... QUICKLY! :P
| Raevyan 9/6/04 . chapter 3
lookin good, keep going ;)
| Wavecrest 9/3/04 . chapter 3
...I always knew those trees were up to something...
Good chapter; just like the books, to be honest. I like it! Keep it up :O)
| Raevyan 9/3/04 . chapter 2
yay at the new spooksville fic! Very happy to see it, and it looks like the start of an interesting story, too. Please continue soon! :D
| andrea 8/15/04 . chapter 2
I think you've got off too a good start. Keep up the good work, and please update soon.
| Wavecrest 8/14/04 . chapter 2
Did Sally keep the box? Just curious, b/c it's silver, and the like.
And I'm guessing she's writing her report on the light witch. Keep writing, this is a good story!
| ImaPsychoSquirrel 8/14/04 . chapter 2
I really like this! It seems so much like something Christopher Pike would have actually written! It's very much in the style of the series. I felt like I was picking up the latest Spooksville book. You had just the right combination of mystery and humor, just like the books. I can't wait to see what happens next, so please update soon!
| Wavecrest 8/11/04 . chapter 1
Good beginning. Marshall sounds a lot like one of my english teachers...
Anyway, keep it up (I enjoy Spooksville) and... how DID the classic green unspecified taste? ::shrugs:: Please update soon, though.