Hiya :)

I have discovered one slight mistake in your story; in chapter 4: orc attack there is this line: Yes. There were four hobbits, Sam Frodo and Bilbo. Now I believe with three names being named it should be: Yes. There were three hobbits etc.

Anyway, it's a good story :D

Hey Jaina,
Just read a few chapters and it's awesome. I've read some of your other work on this site and it amazes me how you can swich writing styles and still have the same talent! Even though this couldn't have happened it's cool to read one of those 'what if' stories. Kepp up the good work!

great story! i'm not finished reading all the chapters up yet, but i just wanted to tell you that there are three hobbits, in the fourth chapter, they ask the animals if there were four hobbits and after that, you wrote that the baby fox answered, "Yes, there were four hobbits, Sam, Frodo, and Bilbo." and after that you wrote numerous times "the four hobbits" ^^ just a suggestion.. ^^ great story! keep updating!

I liked this chapter very much! I don't have much criticism... I thought it was very good. This chapter reminded me of something strait from The Hobbit, with the talking animals and all... Also, even though the characters were in peril, you managed to keep the tone light, and sometimes comical. Your dialogue was very funny at times... and just so... hobbity!

I really liked Rosie... she was vern in character, and her little lullaby was charming! Does Sam know that she is going to be following him? I don't think he would approve...

Your writing was very good in this chapter; your descriptions were amazing! Your dialogue was impressive... especially that of Lady Mailanay. She was a very good character, although she reminded me distinctly of Galadriel...

Sam seemed much more in character in this chapter, although his dialogue is still a bit formal for my tastes... I think having Frodo around has doen him a bit of good. When he solved the riddles, I was glad that everybody had noted how he had changed... this shows that you as an author were aware that his character is different, and it isn't just an accident.

Poor Legolas! Going to and from Lorien must have been very taxing! I suppose, since Mailanay's land is your own creation, Legolas could get there and back again (pardon the phrase) in two hours. But it is quite a journey from Rivendell to Lorien, and your last chapter didn't seem to convey the great distance they had traveled! Also, it doesn't seem like the elves of Lothlorien to allow travelers in and out of their land just like that... Whatever, these are very minor problems, so it really doesn't matter...

One last suggestion... I think that you should have some kind of explanation of why they had to answer the riddles... their journey is rather urgent, and it seemed a little mean for her to do that! And how did the theives pass through? Surely Mailanay wouldn't have allowed them through! I am rather confused at this point... are they trying to take a short cut to catch up with the theives, or are they following their direct path?

So far, this was my favorite chapter... they keep getting better as they go! I hope the same holds true with chapter 4...

Toodles!
-Nymredil

hehe... so Frodo's back? Yes, only a 12-year-old would do something like that...

I think that maybe you should elaborate on everything a little more. This fic is plot-driven, but I think you should let your readers spend a little bit more time with the characters. For instance, I don't think that Sam would have been quite so eager to set out on this quest, and you might put in some doubt about whether he is doing the right thing in leaving his wife and children behind. Elrond, as well, I think, might feel guilty for bringing Sam into this.

I like the fact that you had Elrond tell Sam that he had a choice in whether to join the quest... a character's freedom to choose is a very important theme in LotR. The songs are excellent! It really makes it feel so much more Tolkien-ish, becuase he had so many songs in his works. I just don't think that you should put the title in a heading... it kinda distrupts the flow of the narrative. Your verse fit right in with Sam's song! Kudos!

Sam's dialogue is a little bit formal... I could see him sounding a little bit more educated than before (since he became mayor and everything...) but he should still sound like the loveable, humble hobbit we all know. Something that is very prominent about Sam's character is that he is always doubting himself; always thinking that he went wrong in some way... and it feels like some of that is missing in your fic.

Otherwise, good job! chapter 3... here I come...

Toodles!
~*Nymredil*~

For being written when you were 12 years old, this isn't half bad! Of course, I'm sure you know by now that this story couldn't have happened, because Elrond left Middle Earth along with Frodo, Galadriel, and Gandalf, but I write alterternate universe myself, so that's perfectly alright.

I have some constructive criticism, although I don't know how much is really valid (did you edit the dialogue, or did you leave it in its original form?) Well, because the dialogue (although you didn't use any blatantly modern words) has a rather modern tone to it. Also, I don't think that Rosie would have aquieced to Sam's leaving without a bit of an argument. I think she would have eventually come around, but remember, when Sam first got back to the Shire, she was rather mad at him, and I don't think she'd be too keen to see him go off again.

However, keeping in mind that you wrote this when you were 12, this is very good. I can't imagine why you havn't gotten any reviews! I've read works by adults that are much worse than this, and that have gotten many good reviews... Also, I really like the idea for the plot! Sam gets to be the hero! *huggles Sammie* It'll be interesting to see how he does on his own, since the he only briefly was by himself in LotR.

I think that your writing style is humorous; it reminds me of Tolkien's author voice in The Hobbit! In some of my short stories I have a similar style, and I'm happy to see that someone else uses it as well! I also really liked your last sentence; it was very Tolkien-ish.

On to chapter 2!

Toodles!

~*Nymredil*~