Orcs, ugh, wish i could have been there. Thanks for writing this. I hope you make another one of these, the story after this is also well done, but I would love to find out what happens to Haldir's daughter afterward!

Hahahahaha, the best chapter yet!

Haldir as a father, now that is interesting!

I should have read this one first, not the other one after it. Thank you for writing this story, it has actually prevoked imotion, something that very few writers have been able to cause. Thank you again!

And the closing chapter!

I think this is very good indeed - the violence of Haldiir towards the Orcs is entirely in keeping with him, and is handled very well. He appears as a hero, and I like that a great deal.

I think that the work might be strengthed by a touch of focus on his thoughts at this stage - him wondering if he was right to hunt them down; what vengeance can be had on a brute? And, even if he can, should be be by his wife's side?

I think as well that we might do well to see inside the mind of the child at this stage as well - it is her first encounter with death. Although you might like to reserve that for the sequel.

But, this is a great chapter and a wonderful end to a superb story! I look forward to reading "The Sword of 'Lorien"!

(Minor note - and this is layout rather than editorial; the in-text glossary when Elven words are Anglicised can prove a touch distracting. My personal feeling - and this is just a personal preference - would be to simply use the Elvish and have a glossary at the end of each chapter.

Also, and this is one of those times where you are caught between the Devil and the deep blue sea, the actual use of Elvish words here causes a minor problem. All the characters are actually speaking Elvish - they are Elves! - which you have to represent using English. You then have some words which are presented in Elvish.

Words such as feahoon etc. are used for concepts which have no counterpart in English; for them, Elvish is essential. But part of me wonders if other words are not used unnecessarially - why are these things not translated when everything else is?

But, this is such a minor and technical point it barely deserves a mention - I would not make the point if I didn't think the story was so good it transported me to the Elvenwoods where I actually consider stuff like that! This story is, categorially, NOT "Beverly Hills 90210" with pointed ears - it's Middle Earth!)

This chapter is also very effective - the description of the wounded and tormented Runevalas is, as mentioned previously, horrifying but not gratuitous.

I will admit that while reading this, I initially wanted to shy away - it made me feel uncomfortable, repulsed, horrified. And then one considers that the description is not that graphic.

That, my friends, is the mark of a well-written piece.

I shall begin with the little point which I admire which is not connected to horror and gore . . .

It's a great idea to have Elven eyes shift to blue when they mature!

Right - the violence.

Golly, but it's effective, isn't it?

All other authors take note - one does not need to have detailed, medical, quasi-erotic, dwelling descriptions to make a torture or injury scene effective. People shy away from horror and good writing does the same - writness the ear-slicing scene in "Reservoir Dogs", the camera looks away as the viewer would.

This chapter does not gloss over the horror, but it does not dwell on it either. It makes it clear what is happening without being graphic - which just makes it all the more terrifying.

Bravo!

O - I do like the black prediction of Haldir's. In another genre, with a different character, that might be over-the-top, but it works excellently here.

(It is, quite obviously, one of the lines that would be used in the trailer if this was a movie!)

I like very much the way the mood suddenly shifts - that is something which fucntions exceptionally well here.

Oh, chapter 17 is priceless! Nice to see that Elves have much the same problems with children making a mess as humans! And I love Haldir's calm reaction and him leaving his brothers to face the wrath of his wife!

I think that, now Valariel is capable of rational and cogent thought, it might be nice to see a few snatches of her thought. "Why isn't daddy picking me up?" and so forth. We can identify with her a shade more then.

But, a really funny and great chapter.

Chapter 16's portrayal of the steely Marchwarden melting is delightful - I really like that. It works exceptionally well indeed.

The one point in the whole chapter which does not ring true is the fact ALL the men outside are pretty much calm, with the exception of Haldir. Men are always worrisome - and they always try to get in and "help".

I think a degree of appropriate humour could be gleaned by having Galadriel drive them out, but that's just me - I've got an image of Rumil and Orophin going "O, no - she's gone all scary. Leg it, lads!" and running away as she does her "STRONG AS THE FOUNDATIONS OF THE EARTH!" bit.

Yes, it's been a long day.

Galadriel as the midwife! I love that touch - it places her in the "crone" position of the tripartite female, which is where she really should be. She is the eldest of the Noldor left in Middle Earth (with a decent claim to the High Queenship . . .) and - as Gimli says - part of something that will pass away forever.

Nice touch indeed.

And she spars well with Runevalas - she's just the kind of person you want in the delivery room!

And we see cast-iron evidence that Runevalas isn't a Sue! She has morning sickness and moodswings and thinks actually suffers for pregnancy!

This chapter works very well, although I do think that we need to see Haldir getting closer to loosing his temper - maybe even loosing it with someone other than Runevalas. He's calm and collected, but pregancy tries everyone's nerves!

The debate about what the child will be called and what it will be like is charming and delightful, it shows a real family moment which shows that there are more people here than Runevalas and Haldir. This works exceptionally well.

Ah - father-figure issues for the strong men, standard fanfic fare.

And very well executed - better than most, certainly, and an excellent example of the technique. We see that the brothers have issues with their father that are subtle, realistic, not over-done - yet entirely impacting and important to them.

It is generally speaking very tempting to pile violence and death and misfortune onto everyone in order to make them "interesting" - it is generally speaking not a good idea. You manage to make characters interesting, engaging, realistic and three dimensional with very few strokes (painting a character in too much detail is another flaw!); the brother's get very little "screen time" but we know a lot about them.

I think the father relationship is a good one - we see Haldir's uncertainty about his impending fatherhood in light of his concerns about his own relationship and having had to be a father already; a fear of getting it wrong.

We see the honesty of the brothers and their compassion for Haldir, and their thankfulness and respect for him.

Very well done indeed - bravo!

Another good chapter, and introducing something wonderful. We so often get romances which are, frankly, nothing more than female authors sticking themselves in the shoes (or dresses . . .) of Elven maidens who they they throw at Elven heroes. We don't get genuine romances, and we certainly don't get families.

Yay! Pregnancy! Elvish motherhood!

There is something wonderfully genuine and real about the way she tells him - I find that a delight to read. The dialogue sounds real and very plausible.

The one comment I would make is that perhaps we could be told more of what her thoughts are, what she expects his reaction to be - and maybe what she fears the grim Marchwarden will think. There is a moment of terror at suspected rejection in the mind of every woman who tells a husband who has not specifically sought an heir that she is pregnant.

But, this is an excellent chapter and does what needs to be done perfectly.

I like chapter 11, even though it is very short indeed. It captures the lighter moments in the forest very well and will act as a counterpoint to the darker moments which you will (doubtless) have appearing later in the narrative.

I think my only critisism of this chapter is that it is too short - let us see more of the joy of the forest!