Wow. This reads really ... real. From the fears of Dustin and Hunter to the over-reaction of Tori and Shane, to the reveals, to the resolution. I believed all of it. I'm amazed. And a little sad.
Couple little things that could be caught ... although they're probably easy to miss. But your story telling, grammar and flow are really good.
Did I say your story telling was *good*? Reading Chapter 16, I'm ... floored. This is the best twist EVER!

very cute

lol writing about thanksgiving at this time of year

such a dustin moment.. are kara and hunter getting together?

why hasnt sensei done anything about jeff? or cam do something? you think they would be all knowing if they know about everything else

how hard would it for dustin to go visit hunter?

wow i hope cam and shane get together... but not to plot to break up dustin and hunter lol

they should just teach at the other ninja school so much less drama lol

so addictive. i have the bad habit of power reading long stories in the middle of the night

why do i feel shane is heading toward the fence and tori is taking his former place?

i hope tori can fix herself

aw

wow

lol fan girl issues

poor hunter has a fan girl