FLAME!

Mary-Sue!

So Horrible!

So mysteryous...

HAHAHAHAHHA

No seriously. This story sucks monkey balls. The character is a major Sue.

Hey,

I though that your story was rather good. Except you misspelling a few words I thought that it was wonderfully enjoyable to read. I will have a storie out in a week or two, but I have alot to write.

Ginny Jane Weasley.

Haha, I like the title: The tale of the mermaid. Good pun. Was it intentional?

-P0cketmouse

I don't want to discourage you dear, but perhaps you could get someone to look over your work before you post it? There are a lot of grammar and spelling mistakes. The plot is also very difficult to follow.

I also if do you know what a Mary Sue is? I suggest you look it up.

There are many great sites out there for fanfic authors who would like to improve there writing. I suggest The Loaded Quill (you can google it), it offers a lot of good tips, and offers help with grammar and puncuation, has Harry Potter reference info, and help with British terms.

Good luck!

Did you write this before reading Goblet of Fire? Because we know that there *are* mermaids around, and that they live in the Hogwarts lake, and that they have greeny/grey skin and are, quite frankly, ugly.

No one was "omg mermaids?" when they found out.

How old are you? Seriously, this is just bad! The characterization is weak and the plot is nonsensical. And the technical aspects of the writing is worse. Your transition sentences/pargraphs are practically nonexistent, rendering the fic even more incomprehensible. With writing like this, I hope you're not over twelve years old. Because if you're any older, you should have learned better writing in English class.

Umm...what is Quiddish? Haha it's Quidditch hun. ANyway cute story. *Hands J.K a muffin!*

oh my gosh the last one was scary but very good for ur first

Okay. At first when my father had did not tell me that it was not J.K. Rowling I thought it was her.

Mary

P.S. Please write to me.

I'm sorry, but I'll actually finish reading this when you learn to write dialogue. It's too confusing to read it like this.

Screech

How darith thee disgrace thy Lady Grace, thy great creator of the ever holy Harry Potter.

-this is not a flame-

However.

It's too choppy. I didn't even read much, and it screams choppy at me. Sorry. Plot's good, though. Work on your sentences, eh?

Horrible!