The story is so compelling here. I am sad that you have not continued it.

The beautiful images of the man's childhood pneumonia and his current ailment were like poetry. I can see how he would understand Hermione's illness. Would you consider continuing this story?

there is one major error in which you have repeated this phrase by accident: "He thought about a magical kaleidoscope his parents." It is at the beginning of the chapter.

This writing is as good as the Atalanta tale of Hermione that I just read! You are a master of suspense. I truely felt my heart pounding in anticipation as she counted the steps. Perhaps my heart is pounding because I just ate a square of chocolate! But your ability to draw me in as a reader left me spellbound.

Well written, especially the first chapter: I could almost feel Hermione’s pain.

I’m looking forward to the next chapters.

Chronic fatigue syndrome? Mononucleosis? Rheumatic arthritis?

Lupus?

I really liked seeing a humiliated Hermione - failure's something that Hermione rarely seems to confront in fanon, regardless of the fact that everyone runs into it sooner or later in real life. I thought you showed the way the draining quality of humiliation and the more . . . clinical drain already placed on Hermione's energy ran together, compounding each other. Was very believable. Another thing that seemed to work well was the alternation between narrative and Hermione's thoughts as she climbed the stairs: the steady, constant rhythm cumulatively evoked her fatigue (if that makes any sense). That took this chapter the extra step from 'telling' to 'showing', and from just sort of being there to being absorbing.

I know from conversations on the WIKTT list that English isn't your first language, but you should try to get one of your betas to crack down on your verbs. Your diction and sentence structure both seem good, but there are a lot of problems with tense and subject/verb agreement that are distracting, making it harder for the reader to be really feel Hermione's fatigue.

Anyway, an interesting and lyrical start. I look forward to seeing how this illness, whatever it is, affects Hermione (and Snape, I take it from chapt. 2?), as well as how they deal with it.

I'm so glad to read you here! And growing impatient to know what will happen next, what's wrong with her, etc, etc...