I can't belive I passed this story up. This is a great story. I wonder if blackjack has anything to do with Fratley's disappearance. Good job. Please update soon.

This chapter was longer and better than the first. Robshi made some good points, but failed to mention that this chapter was indeed an improvement from the previous chapter.

I noticed you put in more description. Good for you. Another thing is, your descriptions are really good. Whenever you started a description, you really painted a nice picture. Thus, I'd like to see more descriptions so I can see more pictures. Your good at it, so keep doing it.

Another positive is the switch to Freya's perspective. That made the flow work a lot better. However, one problem arises when you do this. You are now in Freya's head and you will have to match the character with the game. This sets up more possiblity for you to fail. I'm not saying you did, but people who have strong oppinions on Freya will be coming after you.

So, here's my advice, take it however you wish, do a quick study on Freya. Write down what you think she's like and maybe a few quotes from the game. Try to mesh that into your Freya.

The way I see her, she is a loyal, deep thinking person. As Robshi said, she often hides her feelings. Let's think about when Fratley left Freya in the game. That brief moment in her memory. Actually, I can barely remember it. Remember, I said Freya was actually not my favorite character. But, she is really defined right at that moment, so it might be a good idea to play the part again. Man, I wish I could remember it. Perhaps another reviewer can help me out here...

Freya is very subordinate to autority figures. I see her kneeling before the presence of royalty of any kingdom. She is very calm and very distraught by the things that have happened to her. She also blames herself for a lot of things, failing to protect Burmecia, Cleyra, etc. She feels it is her ultimate responsibility to protect the ones/things she loves. A very heavy burden. This, I believe, makes her very sullen.

Once again, this is just how I perceive Freya. So, just tell me if I'm wrong. But, you do have a creative idea here. I love to support authors, especially as young as you. I never received much support when I was young and merely lost all my creative juices (not mojo...).

So, there you have it. I gave you little bit longer review this time. Like I said, I'm trying to support. I don't, let me emphasize "don't", think this story needs to visit "Rewrite City." That's almost a cruel statement. I don't think you should rewrite it, perhaps a little editing, but save rewriting for when you get to say... chapter 10. Because then, when you look back at your first chapters, you can truly decide whether or not they are truly as effective and worthy based on the rest of your chapters.

Am I being helpful or am I just rambling? It's always good to talk to your reviewers, it makes them want to come back and read your story and continue reviewing. So, don't quit, and let's see what happens in chapter 3!

A few problems, once again:

Freya did seem very out of character in the scene where she screams. Sure, she's upset, but Freya usually keeps it to herself or doesn't let it show. She never screamed or went on a rampage when she saw Cleyra destroyed, did she? Or anything else that would have upset her for that matter.
Also, I doubt she would refer to her father as Papa, unless she is a very small child. Something more formal perhaps? Dad or father maybe?
And the "Present Day" just doesn't cut it for a time description. When is the present? Before the game, during the game or after the game? How old is Freya now? (She's 21 in the games events)
And Freya should ahve kicked Blackjack's arse. She's a dragon knight for crying out loud! Sure, he caught her by surprise, but I think it would take more than a punch to the face to KO Freya.
Don't be afraid to take some of your chapters to the merry old place of "Rewrite city". I have done this with one of my stories, and I may be inclined to do it with my cuurent story which you may wish to look at.

A few problems with this story: First, you are very undescriptive. Where is Freya? What are the surroundings like? Is it busy where she is?
Second, Freya seems a little out of character. Her first line of speech seems like something she wouldn't say.
Third, you skipped out a whole journey to Lindblum. That's bad. You could have described it a lot more than you did.
Fourth, there is a contradiction. Five years out of her home, but only three looking for Fratley? I doubt it, she left to look for Fratley.
This chapter is also very short. Mainly due to the lack of description. And the chapter seemed to lack any purpose. You could have just started with the conversation with her father.
I would recommend you do a complete rewrite of this chapter.

looks interesting... Freya wasn't my favorite character in FF9, but I'm interested in seeing how you portray her. Rock on...