This "fic" is complete GARBAGE.

Sorry for breaking it to you without the warm and fussy words, but allow me to be sincere: Even if you are a 16-year-old American, you can´t spell for **. Your heroine is a complete mary sue, and the "plot" overall is so simple, so used, that I´ve crapped better plotlines than that.

AND KEEP YOUR ARROGANT AMERICAN REMARKS ON YOURSELF.

Yes, British people do swear too, and EVERYONE who has received atleast a little education in English KNOWS what "keeping up with the Joneses" means, because it is a BRITISH saying, not American. Don´t never, EVER think that the rest of the world is place of blabbering morons just because we´re not from the Yankieeland.

This "story" was stupid, ridiculous, childish, and treats its readers like a bunch of ** idiots. And you can´t write for **. Either you will learn to spell and build interesting plotlines, or just stop writing. You´d do a great favour for all of us.

Your writing isn't bad at all, in fact it's pretty good. The plot, however, is overused. Is there something that can happen to Lana that will change the plot?

Also, remember to keep all your author's notes at the end of the chapters. They're annoying to read and they break up the pace of the story. If you explain in the story that the mirror Draco is using is similiar to the one Sirius gave Harry, that's cool.

Another thing: please try to make Lana less one-dimensional. I've read two chapters so far, and in them she's been nothing but obnoxious and bitchy. She complains loudly because she broke a nail? Please, think of something more interesting. A fiery temper does not a Sue negate.

I'm going to try not to be too brutal because your review was just so awesome. But I'm not going to sugarcoat it out of gratitude. I'm just going to be honest. Your basic story line is solid. You have the spunky American girl vs. the uptight Slytherin git. Awesome. Lovely.

Here's your only problem: The grammar. Your dialogue isn't half bad. I've definitely seen a lot worse. But you have a lot of punctuation errors and mispellings. I could have a field day with this story. I would literally lock myself in my room with my computer and have a blast editing it.

About the characters: The dialogue isn't convincing. You have Lucius and Draco saying things that they just wouldn't say and the characters are muddled because of that. One thing that did pop out at me that I really liked is the Sunday dinner scene. I love the relationship you've developed between the parents and Draco. You have Lucius who is really cold and always dripping with disdain and then Narcissa, who is very cool and elegant but there's also a hint of affection towards Draco. I just loved the image I got in my mind when I read that scene.

Another tip: Save author's notes for the beginning or the end of the story. It makes it more difficult for the reader to get into the story if the author interrupts it with side comments.

I've only finished the first chapter, but I will try to get to the other six. One thing I'd like to do in the meantime, if you didn't mind, would be to edit a small section from chapter one. I would just love to see this story cleaned up grammatically. I can't help it. It's like seeing dust on a shelf or something. You just get that strong impulse to wipe it off and see the wood shining underneath.

All right. That's all for now. Please get back to me about editing a small section just to give you a taste of the potential this story has. Thanks for your review and for reading my story 10 times. Very spiffy of you.

very interesting

Hey, great story you have here. Thanks for reviewing SF AND FL, it means the world to me. I also agree with your pay it forward policy. Only, I always review every story I read, so I guess I'm already doing my bit! Lol. I like Lana. Great name by the way!

Ah... Someone's always got to throw in a damn lemon. Fruit is not for playing with! GAHH!...Just kidding. Yet another wonderful chap. in this tale. I'm liking seeing the vulnerable side of the badass American too...keep it up!

So far, so good. Keep writing your story, and I'll keep reading it.

Hey, I'm really enjoying this. It's written really well, and I can't wait to read more! Update soon...please?

:-D

That totally kicked **! Lots of suspense in that last chapter... Please update soon!

I think this is a very cool story. I like the whole "badass American in England" thing going on and I absolutely love Draco. *swoon* I can't wait to see if there are anymore chapters. *crosses fingers and prays*

hello there, sorry i'm too lazy to sign in right now, but that's beside the point. this story is pretty good so far, i hope you update soon!

~*::jade-snake::*~