This is much better than the original outline. When I first watched the movie, it seem all so dramatic,and I always thought if things could have gone differently for morgaine and everyone na dthis story proves it. Continue on with it I want to see the outcome and the rest of the story.

i just read it and i loved it! i wished lancelot and morgaine had come to be together. it's a shme that you didn't continue it! perhaps you can update oncer more i really like it!11

I agree, It moves way to quickly to get a feel for the characters. describe their settings, their facial expressions, their clothings as well. Slow it down So we can enjoy the relationships. Is there an antagonist in this? if so, start developing it. give hints at it from the beginning chapter if possible. I love the idea of Lancelot and Morgaine together. But its true that it is way to modern for arthurian times. Keep going, and maybe comeback to these chapters to rework.

Good story... moves a bit quick though and you slip into normal language sometimes (Daddy, yeah, etc...)... Oh, and why did you change Mordred's name to Xander? update soon! :)

This a great fic and it was your first. Well I hope you will continue.

It seems that you either have no grasp of social diffrences, or chose to change them. But unfortunatly, those changes hinder the story and can pull the reader away from the plot line. I think your idea is great, but the details need work, keep trying, it'll come to you. However, I also feel that I need to mention what appears to be a laack of knowledge in the area of the characters themselves and what their titles may entail. Good luck in your writing, and I'll keep an eye on the story, I still want to know what happens.

great chapter! kep going!

great story! please continue!

I really like it, write more soon.

i liked this alternate version of The Mists of Avalon, i would like to see the next chapter and find out what happens next update please!

yay! me likey! keep going, this is just how i wanted the movie to be. why couldn't u have written their script?

first of all, i want to say that it is great that you had the courage to put your work out there. that's very commendable. However, i think that your writing style could use some developing. it seems very flat and emotionless, and also a little too modernized to give it a feel for the arthurian setting (remember, 400-500AD). These things come with experience, so just keep at it. Try observing the people around you, in your everyday life; get a feel for their emotions and reactions to events, the motives behind their actions, the traits that are strongest and weakest in them. The more you understand this, the more your writing style will mature. keep trying!