I thought it was good but did you seriously had to add your-self to the story.HaHaHA :)

It could use a little tweaking. (I think they were accepted a little too fast.) It was a pretty good start though. Please continue!

This is knda cute, Im thinking of another sory like this

I have to say it can get better,
but so far I like the idea that you put yourself and you BFF in the story.

Keep up the writing!

that was good, i hope you write more