That was really good, I loved the details!

Now this is a good .Everything!It was cool!

Story is good. Writing is terrible. Hard to enjoy good story if I cannot read writing.

Learn to construct simple English sentence. Use same tense all time, not switch to past and present. Even I capitalize words right. You do not. Also learn punctuation. Is important.

Also use chapter feature in system. You should not post chapters as separate stories. Sometimes admins take down stories if not chapters.

whoa, you have wonderful writing talent, that's excellent, and your descriptions are so vivid! I like, can't wait to read the next chapter!

-alienhunter

hey buddy good story. a little confusing at times, but it will sort itself out the more u update. so update asap! by the by, whats with only accepting signed reviews? :)