Reviews for Osiris, the Arisen Phantom

Reviews For: Osiris, the Arisen Phantom - Reviews: Page 1 of 11

Olaf74 2008-01-14 ch 15,	abuseI'm lost of words. Your Story is more than Fantastic. Please continue it as soon as possible.
nopennameforme 2007-02-11 ch 8,	abuseSo far, I do not like this story. Before I go into the explanation, let me state something. This is only one person's opinion. Other people like your story. So do not get to upset (as some authors do) over one negative review. Anyways, on with the review... First, in chapter eight, you spend a huge portion of the text just copying lyrics to songs. Unless a song has an extremely important role in a story, do not do that. I have stopped (and I know others have in other stories) reading fanfics in which the author did this. Second, on some situations, you give a lot of pointless details that strike me as something I suspect that you, and not Harry, would like to do if given the chance. For example, I do not think the fact that he goes to Old Navy and Pac Sun to buy, "ten t-shirts, five pairs of jeans or khakis, three pairs of board shorts, two long sleeved shirts, two hooded sweatshirts, five button-down shirts, a pair of sandals, and two pairs of skateboarding shoes," is needed. It is pointless text in my opinion. You do similar descriptions on other items as well. Meanwhile, on the opposite end of the spectrum, you do not really explain some other things that you should. If Harry made up the name Evan Fentonstone, then why does he have house elves, property, a cabana, and a known family name already established when he arrives in America? Finally, there are a few inconsistencies in your story. I am not just talking about things between chapters. When those happen, I am more understanding, as an author can forget small things between writing sessions. However, your writing contains obvious flaws. I will explain one in detail now. When Harry goes shopping, he does not purchase the new broom he wants because it costs $200. However, he buys so many other things that cost so much more. Think about this: Two XBoxes will run aproximately $130 each. New games at game stores are about $40-50 each and you say he purchased "plenty of games." For our argument, lets say he purchased 5. The price of the games would average around $225. A laptop will run you $450 for an absolute-low-end model. So just between those things we are running a total of $935 for things he has never used. I find a problem with this when he complains that $200 for something he loves is too much, but $900 is not. Even if you ignore this, Harry is rich. He points that out to the Weasley's when they join his family. -me
-Atrum.Decor- 2006-12-29 ch 23,	abuseI don't normally review on fanfictions for people, but this fanfictionin particular was amazing, to put it simply. You can tell that you spent quite a while on it, and I hope more people decide to read this story. -Dark-Angelic-Goddess-
moi 2006-12-14 ch 8, anon.	abuseyeah, the songs are hella annoying. i, personnaly, don't want to slogh through all of that **. thats all. byenow!
moi 2006-12-14 ch 3, anon.	abusemostly good, exept for the whole fentonstone thing. seriusly, if you have danny come in as harrys mentor or something, i'll, i'll. i'll make vauge threats.
moi 2006-12-14 ch 1, anon.	abuseok, i haven't read enough to know if this story is crap, but WTF? what is this, danny phantom minus technolagy and parents plus magic and crazed dark lords? other than that, it's fairly good.
Lord Cobra 2006-08-27 ch 23, anon.	abuseExellent story, though the most of the chapters couldve been longer. other wise it was an exellent story that kept you on the edge of your seat with all the twists and turns that you included. Well Done.
Tigers Like Red Apples 2006-08-08 ch 23,	abusegreat story
The Lady Reaper of the Shad... 2006-08-07 ch 23,	abusefantastic!
R-Krulle 2006-08-07 ch 23,	abuseOk... I'm sorry to see this end... Great story and Storyline. Congrats on actually finishing it. I know a lot of good stories here that never get finished, and I always a little sad about that.
beauty0102 2006-08-06 ch 23,	abusethanks for finishing the story. i really enjoyed it and can't wait for you to finish Counted Sorrows.
beauty0102 2006-08-06 ch 22,	abuseyeah great chapter.
jabarber69 2006-08-06 ch 23,	abuseTHANK YOU FOR LASTING LONG ENOUGH TO FINISH THIS GREAT STORY!
Tyxlaog 2006-08-06 ch 22,	abuseI didn't expect the story to end like that. Good job.
Blue Werewolf Boy 2006-08-06 ch 22,	abuseawsome

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