causing the straps that held the cute little costume shark fin on her back to shake a bit,
[When did she have a costume shark fin? Oh well]

"Is there something wrong with her?"
"I'm sure our children will get along just fine!"
"That's not what I asked..."
[How very like them…]

fighting form's
[forms]

Chapter 2
'Injury'
[I know (s)he puts special emphasis on that, but it’s missing the opening quote mark]

It's now separating two chambers of my heart
[But…that would’ve killed her before she reached a hospital…in the initial injury, much less all the shaking the heart does just by beating]

Chapter 3
we have plenty of time before the bell rings,
[The implication that I got was that Akane always made it (if by a narrow margin), but that’s a small detail]

begrudgingly,
[Capitalization]

and noticed they were shifted a bit higher.
[So…what…his hug pushed the blade into her heart? I’m surprised he didn’t notice blood flowing]

That was shocking…and melancholy. Good work on the consistent tone throughout, although I’d have liked it if the knife or whatever precisely the piece of metal was would have been explicitly described, rather than constantly getting allusions and indirect description. And maybe something more on exactly why/how it gets there, although I confess there's a bit of a mysterious/poetic quality by that not being laid bare.

Is Nabiki a Same-hengeyoukai or what?

Possibly the most off-color, awkward, and absolutely hysterical ending that I have ever read; freaking kudos.

there are a few biological and factual errors with this fic that are totally unforgivable.
1. Nabiki doesn't posses a heart.
2. without the heart, she wouldn't die
I definatly laughed my ** off at this fic, thanks man

::BOL:: Hugged her just a tad too tightly, eh WFROSE? ;)

Though I would have liked to read more of the story (a humbled Nabiki, what gives?) the end is... surprising and appropriate. The characterisation was feasible while I can attribute the "injury" easily to suspension of disbelief. Good work, you may take a cookie. :p

ed

You A-hole... how could ya?

Hilarious. I'm still laughing. Right up until those last lines I was wondering if you were serious. The fact that you split it up into three chapters just adds to the rediculousness of it all.

Nice use of the tried and cliched opening scene. This was a nice comment on those types of fics.

A knife splitting the chambers of the heart and someone just living with it there? People thought this was emotionally touching?! Lol...

geez...it's horrible. not the writing I mean, I think I'm going to cry. poor nabiki, I think your becoming one of my new favorite authors.

Ouch. Looking forward to seeing if Ranma got her help, as well as what happens now.

Innortal

AH! I was all set for a somewhat warped and sweet story despite the genre you placed it as and I got this! AH! Good writing by the way. Heh heh heh

PLEASE Tell me your going to continue this?

Okay, so it's gone 4am and I've just sent you a review for another story, but man... I thought this was absolutely superb, beyond the usual minor spelling error or two.

I have one issue with it. Humour? I couldn't have classified it as that. This was very sweet, heart wrenching and brutally tragic just like all the best 'morality' tales are/should be, whether that was intended or not. I can't think of another of the type that has stuck with me like this will, and it didn't use the usual patronising comedic/horror formula that the Tales from the Crypt comic was so good at for kids.

I came to this expecting to laugh thanks to the title and the genre, but I guess I must just have been a bit too sensitive to what was going on. I found this touching, both in spite and because of its cold, objectified finality. I know I've taken it the wrong way, but thank you anyway.

That's..

That's..

Word's can't even describe..

That's..

That's..

..

umm..

yeah..

Frankly.. I'm not sure whether to applaud you or assault you after reading this wonderful story only to have it end in such a dismal grim way that actually made me laugh and cry at same time.

Good lord! As a long time reader of yours and a fan of many of your efforts, I must say I enjoyed this work even more than I should have. (I'm still chuckling as I write this, almost an hour later.)

In many ways, I think this fic was perfect - excellently set up, great development, and then, WHAM - you get blind sided by a great gag. In retrospect, I should have seen it, given your penchant for particularly inventive fiction, but damn if I wasn't amused.

I wish I had some constructive criticism to offer, but I don't. Superb. Thank you for the wonderful story.