Yeesh, I have no idea why I didn't have you on story alerts, or else I would've gotten this right away. As it happens my review is astronomically late D: Forgive me!

Again, strong chapter - the opposites theme is a fictional convention that I really enjoy because everyone has a different take on it. Sometimes it invovles alternate dimensions and alternate histories. Sometimes characters' "opposites" aren't really opposites at all, but merely mirrors of the parts of themselves that they DON'T like

The idea of a GOOD, nice guy Wayne is entertaining and I look forwards to seeing it. I'm also glad to see the humour that's jumping into it (Daniel Jackson! Lol!) and the fact that you're giving Kat an ACTUAL STYLE rather than the standard bog-natural pretty girl we were all expected to live with. Character development is one of your strengths.

Mark with powers? Awesomely cool.

I know you've had a little trouble getting this story outm but rest assured you;re doing really well. The important thing is to enjoy it. Don't worry too much about people taking it too seriously and going over the top. You're a good writer, and you've imprvoed astronomically over the last five months (Sarah Frost really helps, doens't she? ;P She certainly did me).

I like what you say about Allison looking "right" but not quite "fitting in". Have you ever heard iof the uncanny valley theory? It might be worth looking it up. Allison sounds like Uncanny valley PERSONIFIED :D

All in all I'mreally looking forwards to seeing what comes next. Thanks for updating!

Hey an update! *is happy* I hardly ever check this section anymore cos its nearly dead, great to see someone still updating it, and one of my fave stories too!

I'm sorry I'm so late to review! I read the chapter and loved it not very long after you posted it, but I was at work at the time... Also, 'm really sorry about earlier reviews. If your beginnings were the work of a young writer, my reviews were the same thing with double-plus lack of appropriate squee. I'm happy and grateful you wrote it. (Also, I have a USB stick I *will* mail you on Monday.)

This chapter is nice. The action scenes are good. Mark having superpowers is v. cool--and Heather rocks! You're doing some great things here.

I also love the glimpse of reverse-world. I think somewhere on the board there was a round robin that was half-lost when the old board crashed? Your version is obviously different to that and very interesting. I love mirrorverses.

Sparx/LI conflict--probably inevitable, although as a fan of 'em I'm annoyed with the characters! As long as they don't put their petty rivalry above the really important stuff...

Poor Ace, pretending to be human. :D Great chapter!

Okay, seriously, please update. This is one of the best fic's I've read on here. Its frigging fantastic!

Update update update update update update update update update update update update update update update update update update update update update update update update update update update update update update update update update update update update update update update update update update update update update update update update update update update update update update update update update update update update update update update update update update update update update update update update update update update update update update update update update Update update update update update update update update update update update update update update update update update update update update update update update update update update update update update update update update update update update update update update update update update update update update update update update update update update update update update update update update update update update update update update update update update update update update update update update update update update update update update update update update update please!

Or, are you just never going to write more of this one? If you aren't going to write more of it, then I'll be very cranky.
Please update!

Awesome story! Please update soon!

Awesome story! please update soon!

wow. brilliant story. Please update soon this is a fantastic story and people here hardly ever update

Yay, another chapter! :D I couldn't wait to see this! (I haven't even got author alert yet, damn it, so I'm really sorry about being late with the review.) Now how do I motivate you for Eight? :P

In general: lovely chapter. Your writing is improving so much every chapter, and you've introduced more good OCs and done more good plotting. I can't wait until the next one. (I want more Distortion! And more 6D plotness! And more in general! ^_^) Now to more detailed commentary:

Does the guidebook say Ace is twenty-seven? I thought it was thirty-two. Probably I'm misremembering, but I like twenty-seven better! :P (But yes, not strictly canon, so you can make him immortal if you like.)

Mark was very harsh towards his parents, and it seemed a little over the top to me, but it's understandable that he was stressed, and you did "fix" it later on. You did convey the emotions well, and I definitely felt shocked and sad that Mark was being so ** them.

Hmm, Rick-plottiness. I don't know if I'm meant to know how he found Chuck at the right time *will re-read*. But most interesting! The scenes with the kids were possibly my favourite parts of the chapter. Allison fits in well and I think you're doing a wonderful job of writing Heather. :D I don't even usually like the kids, so excellent job! Sam is lovely and nice and strong in her own way, Heather got some action, and the Thing With The Noodles was cute. Love!

It seems like Allison's changed a little bit, from prankster to Earth-innocent, but I do like the way she's evolved--she fits in well as someone slightly more practical than Ace with more conflict about choosing to fight, but still naive and essentially nice. Very good job on making her into a decent OC.

Hmm, was Daniel insane? He sounded like it to me in the previous chapter, exaggerating his problem with Chesebrough to that extent--and in the narration the gun went off due to the scream, rather than being deliberately fired as he was startled. I'm not sure it was *right* for the Knights to force him not to plead insane, depending on if he had a mental problem or not that affected his ability to distinguish between right and wrong, which it wouldn't have been their role to diagnose. (Ironic that I'm writing this after the US school shooting incident.)

Poor Ace, angsting again. ^_^ *pets him*

I'd have liked to see another Felicity/Simon/Fiona scene, the explanation that something must've happened to her between the time she walked out and the time they found her lying on the grass, the Hollanders deciding to believe her and hire her back. Fiona's nice, but I think there needed to be a little more explanation for why she took an amnesiac back when she left without warning. (Also, Felicity--a v. distinct persona from LI--is quite fun, as are Simon and Fiona! :P )

It's nice to see LI back again. :) Her regaining memory seems anti-climatic; I was expecting a longer and more introspective process, but I do like to see her.

"“Fool,” Illusion said in amusement. “ If I had seriously wanted you gone, I would have succeeded.”"

An echo of 'Choices'--and absolutely true, of course. :)

I do think that in some ways a dead lover is harder to deal with--you can point to a living person and see that they're messy or tell bad jokes or don't have enough in common, but when it's someone dead you've got to respect them, and they'll never do anything to tarnish the idealised memories people have of them. This may be especially irritating if you were never anything like that noble memory. (Like a story I read once--three sixteen-year-olds were the best of friends, two girls and a boy. One of the girls was bitten by a vampire, and frozen as a beautiful sixteen-year-old; the boy became a doctor, and took care of her in her stasis. He married the other girl, and he saw her grow older and fought with her and started to get irritated by her habits, while at the same time he watched over the sixteen-year-old, forever young and beautiful. This naturally caused problems between the couple.) Of course I think LI would maturely deal with the history that Ace used to care about someone, especially knowing they were friends until (it sounds like) they were both raped, but I think she settles it a little too quickly. It doesn't seem like she was in love with Fear, but Ace *was*, and emotional involvement means more than, well, sex motivated by an inequitable power relationship.

Lord Fear could know that LI and Sparx were related, but if Ace knew in canon I'm sure he'd have mentioned it. (Most likely along the lines of encouraging them to stop trying to kill each other!)

"How was it that all women sounded like that when they were threatening"

Sexist stereotyping, but on grounds that most women in Mark's life are very forceful types I'll give you the benefit of the doubt.

Couldn't LI have morphed into someone evil? She can imitate powers.

Crashburn sounds like he could be cool. I'm looking forward to hearing more about him.

Rick seems to me so much like someone who's essentially weak, who does these horrible things by computer and by proxy because he couldn't stomach or accomplish them in person, who created Kilobyte as a too-exaggerated version of himself and revealed his own insecurities in the process; I like the way you've written villains so far very much indeed, but I'm still dubious about this version. Still, powerful villains are a Good Thing generally...

I'm not a Sparx/Random fan due to the age and interest differences between them, but I can see her using this method to stop him as a last resort, like you've done here. Plausible enough!

And a nice Ace/Mark moment, followed by a nice Ace/LI moment. Ace/LI always makes me squee, and that was a lovely little part. ^_^

Pretty good ending. :)

Superhero names--yup, your theory makes sense. I would add that many of them probably name themselves--obviously Sparx, and probably Lord Fear as well. Ace's family going too far back as a long line Lightning Knights strikes me as a mite Sueish, but the theory works well enough.

Good job on the chapter!

There are still grammar and spelling errors here and there, but your writing has improved a lot. Some picks:

"“Mugel, Thompson are you okay?” asked Jonstone in concern, helping Sam up, she nodded."

The second comma needs to be a semicolon. As "she nodded" could be a sentence in its own right, a comma just isn't 'enough'--a semicolon is needed.

“ How can biology matter like that? I was raised for the first six years of my life by my as you would put it ‘real’ mother and that was not what you call family”

The last sentence is clumsy and long-winded; at the least it needs a comma or two, probably rephrasing or breaking up to make it sound better. I can't imagine LI saying that long and unnecessarily convoluted sentence.

Punctuation at the end of dialogue always goes within the quote marks. "Hello," said A. "Goodbye." B left A alone.

"Ace touched Illusion tentatively, his hand trembling slightly as he touched her"

The last four words are redundant.

Anyway, I'm very impressed that you've continued the fic all this time. This chapter wasn't as dramatic as some of your other ones, but that's fine; I'm looking forward to more action as the story comes to a climax. The big, borderline melodramatic scenes seem to be a strength of yours, describing the extremes and making them work while not slipping into farce, bright colours and strong characters. I still think the story's a fascinating and imaginative piece of work, and I hope you'll write more! Soon! :P

Hey cool. Great to see more. I'm glad Mark worked out that lesson there because I was about ready to thwap him about the head if he didn't. You dealt with the whole situation faily reasonably, I reckon. I especially liked the scene with Felicity - a very believable glance into her character. I look forwards to seeing some further explanations.

You're also doing a great job with Allison. A very much potential sue is turning into a rather intriguing character. The caffeteria conversation was very much amusing. I also like Ace's emotional realisation. He needs that. Ad the idea of people being named after their trades is believable and a nice historical glimpse.

There are a couple of places where grammar and phrasing gets a little confused so I might suggest a beta to go over that for you, but otherwise, pretty damn good, girl. I look forwards to seeing more from you.

come on! next chapter already! plese

You updated! Whee! I’ve been waiting AGES for this! I can tell you worked ** getting this right.

And Zoar… talk about tense.

I’d provide more concrit, but looking at your reviews, I see Sarah Frost has pretty much said all there is to say. So I’ll just settle for sharing her Squee! I’d check your grammar in a few places, but it’s nothing horrendous. Plus, Allison was really well managed in this chapter. By not making her overpowered and by utilising the abilities you gave her efficiently (I.e. giving them a purpose and point besides just “it’s cool!”, and not making her overly powerful) you really made her come across as a decent OC who seems useful to the story now, rather than just a plot point and/or self insertion. It’s very difficult to make a good OC out of a Sue, and you’ve done a great job of it. Watch your verbal contractions – “it’s” and “wasn’t” instead of “it is” and “was not” and stuff…

Oh, and did I mention Distortion still rocks? ^_^ a convincing OC and well written, too.

Your comedic scenes are especially good (I loved the bit with Allison and the “inaccurate replica flower in my hair”, and well done with Heather –I know you don’t like her much, but you’re really using her convincingly and not bashing her or distorting her character for humour’s sakes. Well done.

Troy (lovely name for a guy, btw) as a brother for Sam is also a nice point. I sometimes feel we lost something by not having the series delve as much into the character relationships in canon (on the other hand, we avoided too much soap-opera-ish stuff by avoiding their families, too, so no love lost there, but all the same, it would have been nice to see more adults ands families involved in canon.)

The plot point of Mark being related to Ace is believable and we’ve messed about with it an awful lot on the message boards, it’s entirely plausible that Mark could be related to Ace in a 6D = real world type story. I also like the way you utilised it and tied it in with your OC’s and the overall plot. I’m curious about who that gunman was and I’d be interested to see him again (or rather see what Ace is gonna do if he ever gets his hands on the guy… eep =S).

I’m not totally sure about your medical accuracy here, but you certainly seem to have “waffled it” convincingly enough to fool anyone who isn’t studying/teaching/practising medicine and you’ve used reasonably appropriate medical terms and reasoning. The reactions were convincing and a little wrenching, too. Kudos for that.

I also really liked the link between Mark and Allison’s premonitions, (I don’t think the canon incident of Mark’s dream being a premonition was ever properly explained in canon, so good job in making it make sense.)
“Chuck had been scandalized to hear that she knew nothing about the saga of which he had every computer game imaginable and was helping her rewrite her essay. Sam was sitting in the seat in front and Mark and Brett were in the seat behind Chuck and Allison.
“ – so very, very appropriate. I loved that bit.

“It turned out they had finally realized to turn the noise of Mr. Whippy off for sneak attacks.” – about time they worked that out *laughs*

I guess it’s good that we didn’t get left on a cliffhanger… cliffhangers kill me =S. This really seems to be written like episodes instead of just chapters. It might’ve been good to break it into two chapters to shorten it a bit, but otherwise, yay! I’m really looking forwards to seeing how you deal with the little issue with Mark’s parents not being genetic.

Well done, you’ve come a long way since the last chapter.

Hope you update soon. Looking forwards to it. ^_^

Haven't even read the chapter yet, but my initial reaction:

SQUEE!

I'm incredibly glad you've got the strength and perseverance to be continuing this, Allison. Looking back through previous chapters, you have a strong imagination, a keen sense of drama, and an exceptional individual voice. I *really* *do* like this story (and I am sorry that some of my previous reviews would've given you a different impression). :)

Now, onto the chapter itself. :P I can't review without reading it, can I?

-

The concept of a Lightning Knight language adds depth to your worldbuilding. It's perfectly okay to apply Latin/Greek (from where much of English is also derived) and some words with relation to English itself; it can be interesting for the reader to attempt to imaginatively decode, and since the Knight spoken language is more or less English (probably by parallel evolution in this fic) no doubt an older language would bear some resemblance to it.

The quote's a popular one, and also very topical in relation to some of the overall themes of Ace. Nice choice. (If I recall correctly, you're Australian like me; I visited the Sydney Jewish museum several years ago, which prominently displays that quote.)

Aww, Duff Kent. I'm quite surprised you mention him, as his character type isn't one that quite fits the type of story you seem to want to tell (not criticism--I'm not too fond of him myself), but his POV is well used. Poor guy.

Distortion is a villain I really like. Unique powers, forceful personality, clear weakness of anger; she's a bit like a mad dog to LI's hunting hound, and I do like her as an antagonist. She brings up a good point too: why not kill Mark? I always assumed the reason for it was Not Bothering on the villains' part, but with Ace's emotions like they are now, he'd probably use the strength of that to heavily retaliate (as you have here).

Ooh, another prerecognitive dream from Mark. This one seems a bit more abstract than the canon one. His characterisation seems IC.

I've decided I like Troy too. (Law student love!) There aren't any siblings whatsover mentioned in canon (iirc) and it's nice to see one invented. And you get cookies for mentioning femslash. :P *sekritly 'ships Distortion/LI, not in fluffy bunny way*

Knight teachers being idolised sounds plausible; the Knight culture strikes me as fairly right-wing authoritarian, while the Evils are sort of leftist/libertarian-gone-wrong.

Aww, Sparx playing drinking games. ^_^ Props for Ace/Random, too. Cute!

"Inaccurate replica flower". I recall not even LI wears ornamentation; good terminology, nice call. And I like the Star Wars references, too. Very good job on looking at CGI-fitting-in from this specific angle; makes me wonder if canon might've actually done something like this (they didn't exactly do a good job of writing ep eighteen).

"Chuck was fine and all but Chuck tended to be way obsessed with computer games that got to be very irritating after awhile." While I like that you had Mark tell Brett following Brett actually seeing Pigface (not that the boy actually expressed curiosity at the time), I don't think Mark would think something like this by this stage in canon. He and Chuck are solid best friends by now, and while I can see him appreciating a different viewpoint I can't see him dismissing Chuck like that. Also, womanizer!Brett seems a bit different to the canon version; he seems generally very gentlemanly to the point of letting Heather walk all over him, more likely to be silenced and intimidated by Sparx (a far stronger parallel to Heather than Sam was to LI personalitywise) than to make remarks about her cleavage. He could, though, be deliberately reacting against his previous actions by doing things like this, and the female classmate's reaction to him is realistic and suggests this.

"Sometimes Mark felt as if Ace with all his quirks, acted way more normally than his human friends did." Heh. I agree; what I really like about Ace is that the adult protagonists are human beings, regardless of their origins.

"considering whom they had first."--This is Overly!Sensitive!Feminist!Me, but talk like "he had her", "he took her", etc tends to imply a male-dominated relationship; maybe "whom they were dating first" might be more appropriate language, and closer to canon terminology.

And Heather. IC, bitter, forceful Heather. I like her. (And you've said you don't--but as long as you write her well I like your story. :) ).

Chesebrough is also IC, and your rehashing of Genetics 101 is something I can see canon using very easily--AND it has resonance later on in the chapter. Excellent.

And oh! School shooting! Bit out of the norm for quiet little Conestoga (mind control involved, I wonder?), but interesting, and I really like Heather's use of karate and manipulation; she is a 'competent' character, and I love the way you've utilised her here. Allison's sincerity also comes across as very genuine and appropriate, and I don't find her Sueish at all in the scene.

Also, poor Mark. Very well written; I think the needed explanation to Allison makes the pathos even more apparent. Even I'm feeling sorry for the character (I'm not fond of him).

I'm not sure why Kat's calling Ace prior to the medics; she can't think he'll be able to help in a human medical emergency.

"You are simply amazing, mileage"--brief correction here. "Mileage" is a car term; "my liege" is a fancy way of saying "my ruler".

And more Heather. IC and lovely and great interaction with Allison. Were you writing this as a challenge based on not liking her? If so, very well done indeed, because there's no character-bashing here at all, playing to Heather's strengths and showing her weaknesses (lack of empathy'd be her main one IMO), which makes her interaction with the empath really interesting. Heather's one of my favourites, and I'm so impressed with your writing of her. Good escape plan; works very well, and it's less Sueish that Allison doesn't have extra speed force. In fact, she doesn't strike me at all as Mary-Sueish in this chapter, because with the Sixth Dimension as another world canon character OC siblings are something very logical and you're taking into account the fact she's only a young trainee.

I like the concept of Ace's transformation. And I also agree with you that his age'd realistically be more like mid-twenties than thirty-two; the latter's far too old for someone with his innocence. And the Sam/Ace interaction is very...nice; I can't think of any fancier descriptors, but it's appropriate and suitable to the characters and very touching. Ace's reflections strike me as IC and canonical, too.

Hee, a bit of much-needed humour with the truck after deep reflections. Nice job. And I always knew Heather'd be able to handle Rotgut!

The Allison/Heather interactions are great; I'm really starting to see why you need Allison as a character and actually like her.

Your Mark hypothesis is interesting and makes good use of the canon facts of his physical appearance as well as provides a reason for his being 'chosen' and the precog dream experienced. He's dirty blonde rather than white-fair, but nothing at all wrong with your theory. :) *personally believes he's AU!human!younger!Ace*

...O_o Mark's the son of Mr. "I've-never-flirted-before" unicorn bait? And sixteen years from twenty-five ("mid-twenties") leaves nine. (Oh, yeah, immortals in your fic. Erm.) Is this what you warned about in your introduction? LI'd be upset to hear that; unlike her, Ace is the type to have fallen deeply in love, and (unless there's some other explanation, artificial insemination?) it means he lied to her for no reason I can see, male virginity not being prized in either modern Western culture or for evils.

And yay, Mark saved. And superhuman. Interesting.

--

So yes, I did at least like it, far more than that, to tell you the truth. I'll echo the squee at the beginning of this. Fascinating, and mechanics-wise your skills have greatly improved. Characterisations excellent, plotline extremely original, mechanics pretty good. Again, I'm most impressed--and can't wait for the next instalment!

*returns to studying for Law exam*

Hello! And thank you for reviewing my story, I read yours and I liked it! Good job! And about the AU, it won't be like that, promise, you'll understand why in later chapters, it just may SEEM that way now.

~Victoria

Yay u've finally updated! I hope u update really soon bcoz this is 1 of my favourite Ace Lightning fanfics!

It's good to see you back here, Allison. :) In the interests of the fandom, you might be interested to know that h t t p : / / s10 . invisionfree . com / Ace_Lightning has been seeing some action recently (take out the spaces).

I think the mechanics of this story are improving, though you still need to work on using the English language properly. If you already proofread your work, I'd suggest letting it sit some days before a final proofreading and/or asking someone for assistance with grammar, and if not, then I suggest you start to do so. Also, Allison wasn't obnoxiously Sueish in this chapter; I liked that you represented the probable difficulties of a CGI fitting into the real world, even if you did have her somewhat omniscient about the true feelings of certain characters. By the way, while I'm sure you can provide me with a reference for the Laetryn/Lightning thing (and I wouldn't mind it, you know, since based on my limited lingual knowledge I don't think it's Latin or Greek), "Laetryn" looks an awful lot like a Suethor's spelling of "Latrine" (ie. extra vowels and y's), which has a meaning not at all appropriate.

I still don't like the italicised phrases at the beginning; this is not poetry, not free verse, but prose with weird spacing, which makes no sense.

There should not be a space after your quotation marks. It's probably something to do with the word processor that you're using, but QuickEdit should let you fix this. " This is not right"; "This is right." Also, remember that, in dialogue, the punctuation goes BEFORE the second quotation mark. "This is right," I say, "and so is this."

"Dress a-crad?" What in the world is this term, please? Points to you if it's current US slang, but I do not think many of your readers will know it.

I know LI has a long name, but she never gets called anything but the whole thing (and, once iirc, 'the Lady') in canon, and for some reason I don't like shortening it, because it either sounds like a dog's name or a noun.

"Wrinkled old hag?" Now, I'm a LI-fan too, but I can admit that "roadkill" and "spider on your head" were insults from Sparx that actually made SENSE. Unless Distortion is a lot uglier than I thought she was, that insult is OOC for Sparx, IMO. Even the "dog" line was directly referable to a RL situation.

Distortion is starting to come off as what some people call a 'Scary Sue'. You seem to have written her in deliberate contrast to LI (and, to a lesser extent, Sparx) in order to make your Good Women look good set against her. It would be unfair to suggest that you should not make villains two-dimensional, but the overt comparisons have really got the hair on the back of my neck rising, because this is something that belongs in the 'Mary-Sue' box: Distortion is the CompleteBitch, created to show off Our Heroine, the same kind of character as the ** in a romance novel compared to the Pure Maiden, a character who is shown completely without redeeming qualities. I think you could stand to lose a few of the overt comparisons, and have the reader figure it out on their own; and I think it might be somewhat hypocritical to have a character who no doubt has a similar enough past to LI and unlike LI lacks the opportunity to change (exposure to the human world, genuine feelings for another), and then condemn them out of hand. Distortion's a good villain--I love the powers, and I notice you placed some limits on them, good work--but she could stand to be a bit more competent/glamorous (cf: grating laugh).

"Kat had forgotten how ignorant everyone was. If they had been the slightest bit observant they all would know about Ace Lightning." I know, I know. It is more of an "It's In The Script" factor to explain why nobody's realised the CGIs are haunting Conestoga Hills rather than anything else. But that's not a good reason to claim that the entire population is stupid. And, canonically, what's happened? Thanks to lucky coincidence everyone's been looking the opposite way at the time of certain events; there exists a rather out-of-focus "alien" video; Chesebrough is known to be less-than-sane; Brett thinks Heather deserved it; and stories about a haunted carnival just make the place more interesting. IMO, there's no good reason to just condemn the population out-of-hand, you know. Kat would (especially at the beginning of second season), but few others would.

"Babe" is not generally capitalised unless it is at the beginning of a sentence.

"adjusting his bad"--bag.

"deny it till your blue in the face" You're = "you are". Your = possessive (your shoes). Make up your mind which is which. Same with "Your finished you mortal fool". Just because Fear is evil doesn't mean he's incapable of using the English language.

Lightning Flash--I'd capitalise this.

Mark didn't tell Ace because he wasn't listening? I think I missed that particular scene. Surely Mark would've phoned him as soon as he found out?

Anyway, lovely you updated, do have a good day! :)