Man, I couldn't help but die at these huge amounts of LOL you have here! Nice story, it was freaking hilarious!

I Flame you! that was creepy and disturbing. Stop writing that junk.

Chii walking around and mindlessly killing people for no apperent reason. This''l be funny

I agree with Sloane Miette, especially when she mention about the weapons part. You mean Chii bought the shotgun?Hah!Fat chance and another thing that Sloane said, its very dry.Although, i'd like to remind everyone that Chii never turns evil.As a few of my idiot friends said, the dark Chii is evil, what rubbish!Dark Chii is Freya, right?Anyway, i suggest that you ask Sloane more about making stories, she's very experienced.

~Hideki~

Oh my, my, my. Where do I start?!

First of all, this peice has a plothole the size of Minnisota. It is a plot hole. It's one. Big. Plothole.

This is disturbing. And not because Chii has (for no apparent reason) decided to kill people.

One thing you should learn is of a mythical force of writing. It is called punctuation. It's a hard concept to grasp, I know, but with some effor, you will be able to attain this impressive goal: using punctuation.

Nextly, you should work on using words in the correct context and tense. For example:

Chii head a voice in her head

Chii _heard_ a voice in her head. Well, that's just fascinating. How about giving us ((the audience)) some kind of description? What does the voice sound like, has she ever heard it before? Is it because she saw these movies that she's hearing it?

Not to mention, this entire thing is extraordinarily dry. It's got no flavor or texture to it whatsoever. Have you tried reading this out loud to yourself? It's awful.

Speaking of your plotholes from hell, where is Chii suddenly getting all these weapons (much less why is she on a death spree)? Last I saw Chobits, there weren't grenades, bows and arrows, and shotguns lying miscellaneously about.

I think you should seriously consider taking this down and getting some sever grammatical and plot work done to this. It makes no sense, and it should.

Thanks for your time,

Sloane.

This story might need some corrections, but lucky for you, they're minor. Otherwise, it's a good story.

Uh ... has Chii gone insane or something? Does se want to rid of everyone around Hideki just to be with him? Strange..

Ew... Uhm, killer Persocons? That's new... Maybe that's why they dumped Chii in the trash.

Poor Shinbo! And poor Hibiya! X_X I'm curious as to why Chii is acting this way.

"said Hideki in a panicking" = "said Hideki in a panic". That line really stuck out like a sore thumb to me, so I had to mention it. ^^

Hidoi...Chii no tomodachi o kiru! I just started watching Chobits and am now at episode 14. I think you have the general idea down, but maybe a little more description would help the story a bit more. Good beginning though and I hope to see what happens to everyone else.