It's a good plot idea, but some bits are a bit awkward. It's a language thing, and has more to do with my personal preferences than with anything that is actually technically wrong. For instance: "Murdock saw the colonel leave". Yes, they were all in the room together, so it is very probable that Murdock saw when the colonel left. Why not say: "Murdock watched the colonel leave" and make it into a deliberate action on Murdock's side?

Why didn't Murdock tell Amy that Hannibal would not pity her, but that he would feel concern?

The angst could have been more impressive if you had shown the story rather than told it (e.g. wrote the scene of Amy's assualt rather than let her give the short recap), but that is perhaps too gripping to write.

wonderful story :)

i'm very angry with Maggie now

she hurted Hannibal :(

jazz