Ok, first thing I have to admit. I have only read chapter 1 to 20 and then I skipped to the final two chapters. Now that's out of the way, let me give you a review.

1) Well, let me put it this way.

You are preparing to enter the (bad guy)'s fortress. You have adventured long and trained hard for this day. "I have to beat (bad guy) before (something horrible) happens" You declare to yourself. The fortress would most likely be filled in an army of minions and deadly traps but you know that when dealing with (bad guy) you have to expect the worst. You take one step towards the fortress. Then some random person runs up to you from behind.

"Hello (your name), I can help you." The strange man talks very fast "You see everything you have been working towards is a game on my world and I know everything about (bad guy) and his weaknesses because I beat the game loads of times. So let me join you and I can get though (bad guy)'s fortress and tell you about his weakness. So what do you say?"

All you can do is stare the strange man. All what you achieved is part of a game? You consider that his man is just plain crazy but as you think about his apparent knowledge of (bad guy), you instinct tells you that he the only way he could have obtained such information is if he was very close to (bad guy) and the man is planning to lead you into a trap.

Seriously, I never like self-inserts where the self-inserter tells the characters everything on how the game goes. Not only that, Lucca ends up playing the game. However I do have one piece of phrase for you on this subject. In chapter 3 when you character tires to talk to the king in Crono's innocence the Chancellor calls your character out and explains that you couldn't know about Crono's trial. A worse author would have the king and everyone else (except the chancellor) believe your character.

2) You turn your character into a god: (hands up) Well, it’s your story; you can do what you want with it.

3) No description. You rush though everything and as a result you leave minimal description behind. There was no description when your character and Lucca go you your house. What was your house like? Was it small? Big? I think you get my point. Another thing, you seemed to have a instant romance with Lucca. While I have no problem with self-inserts pairing themselves off, I don't like it when the romance is like (snaps fingers). Too be honest the romance in Crono trigger between Crono and Marlie is just the same. The very first mention that Marlie and Crono love each other appear when after fighting Magus

Even I have given you come critisum, there are some good points in the story. Such as the effects of magical overuse, the Doppelganger and the Murasame however these good ideas haven't been developed (like the Murasame possesing someone who found it and was responsible for some murders in the middle ages, however there was someone who was murdered that the gang need to help them. So they have to go back to the middle ages and stop ther murder happening) because the story has been rushed and (I think) not planned. Planning is something that is important for any multi-chapter story. If you want to watch a good self-insert story I recomed "Two worlds combined" in the Tales of Symphona section.

Until next time, Farewell!

P.S. Reading this has sorta inspired me to do my own Crono Trigger self-insertion story but don't expect it soon. I do have alot of real life things to do.

Hm. It's nice to see this is finally wrapping up. Five years, (soon to be) 28 chapters. It's weird reading Glenn talk now. Turns out he wasn't so formal in the JP version. (Thank you Chronopendium.) Continuing with Chrono Cross after this, right? That's a feat I'm not envy of. (According to what I've read, there's actually a bunch of timelines, like multiple "Another Worlds," in CC... Ouch.)

It's always sad to finish something you put so much effort into. It's the end of something, yet at the same time it's the beginning of something brand new with so many possibilities.

Bravo on completing this fanfic (there's a lot on site that never finish) and good luck with your sequel. (Submitted this a second time since the Wifi decided to act up the first.)

Considering this is rated K-plus, I feel I should say this: You misspelled 'six' with an e. It's about 2/3 down in this paragraph starting with this:

"We passed through the open hole and down a long hallway, before entering a room that seemed to have six Panels in it."

I corrected the word 'six' there just because I believe it shouldn't even be mentioned in the reviews.

Other than that, I await the next chapter. ^^

I say keep the whole battle for the epicness

A name for Kid eh? I actually called her "Kida" when I played the first time (was a kid then and had recently saw Disney's Atlantis). Kaid could also work I suppose.

Nice story (loved the Kamina quote as well).

As for tips in improvement (as suggested below on this window), well, I just can't think of much. Although, a nice long ending (not abrupt) would be nice.

And also, you just ruined the ending of your story by saying that Barog and Lucca were going to adopt Kid. Could have just asked for a different name for her. One thing I've learned is to keep the audience wanting more. To do that, keep them guessing (even if it's obvious, try throwing a curve ball to make them unsure of things). For instance, let's say it could be obvious that a character (say Magus) doesn't like another character (say Lucca). Have one character blush a bit at something the other character does.

Or taking a page out of my own book, do some unexpected things, like have a good-hearted character become evil (or brainwashed), or have a seemingly insignificant character die off (my reviewers would kill me if they saw that second option).

Also, details can make a big difference in capturing the audience. ^_^ Just don't go overboard and bore the audience. :P

[BTW did you know that Leah is Ayla's mom? :D That'd be one heck of a thing to put in the story either in this or the next one. (Found it out by defeating the Time Devourer with Leah in the party.)]

Here's to the ending of a rather interesting fanfiction. ^_^

uh...I am not so good with names but try a name that makes you think like she's mysterious or something like a gift. If you don't get what I said, that's fine. I wonder now if Joe will ever get back home to our world.

Is this a crossover with something casue now I am getting confused. Do I need to know something? I can't give any reviews as I am confused at these elemental things cause they weren't in the video-game.

Rushed but for a first time story it's a pretty darn good fight. I wish it were in the game.

Author since you evaded my PM and I am not sure why I'll ask straight out about a thread problem regarding you.


"Please read and review but wait the responses aren't always nice" /topic/304/10566030/1/ (The problem is on page 2 or 2.

Now back to reveiwing.


Good but rushed chapter. You didn't let everone know that Chrono was in a cell but at least I remembered. Also those flash-backs would have made Joe's defeanse dropped if he faced enemeies in the hall-way. I liked how Golem ran away LOL and Dal or Dolton got beat up.

“Rage is just like any other weapon: you have to use it not let it use you.”

Odd, rage as far as I know is impossible to control. Rage is one of the evils of the world but enough with the rambling. It's a tool of The Devil. It makes me become evil.

2. A very well done chapter though the on the way scene was a bit rushed. I wonder how Joe handled the elevator of doom?

3. I wonder what would happened if Joe pretended to be on Lavo's side so that he can fight him later?

(camera turns on and explains the story...err adventure which we will skip. camera cuts to the review)

Okay...I didn't understand the talking car part. Can you explian car please?

2. I like how you modify the game in this story cause mose fanfics feel like a stale copy without much going on.


3. "This time, when we went rushing through time the Time Stream outside the Cockpit, The stream was rushing in the direction opposite us, and the Epoch seemed to be moving slower, as if there was a resisting force involved."

Odd is all I have to say and it looks like I will find out next chappie! Over and out. (camera turns off or so I thought)

"I have another sword for you," I taunted. "It's right... HERE!" I reached back with my other hand and pulled out the Slasher, stopping short of cutting his neck. He jumped back in surprise and took another stance. "What, are you afraid? You should be!" I jumped into the air just as Ayla was about to hit me with a jump kick, and she continued onward, kicking a surprised Crono in the head, accidentally knocking him out.


Edited:
Ayla doing her kick: (Doink,thump) "Whoops Ayla sorry for causing Owie on Chrono's head, Please forgive Alya"


That's too bad Joe is kicked out of Zeal. On the flip side he isn't an enemy of Chrono anymore.

Good chapter. :) I like this twist in the story and I also liked how the battle plat-form broke under the powerfull magic and the idea of the Appreantice. (or however you spell it)

A real Gary Stu would ignore all that so I think you've come a long ways.

It's only the beginning of this story that seems a bit Gary Stu and that car scene didn't serve a purpose.

We thanked her and they threw another party (I tried steering away from the Dizzy Juice until Lucca mentioned that "it didn't really matter, we all got drunk earlier, and that was irreversible")

I am not going to preach or whatever the word on here as this isn't really the place but...

That's like saying "Joe drives better if he is drunk" That means that he has a tolerance or another word Addiction which can make you an alcoholic very easy so don't you go saying Dizzy Juice cannot be stopped as it can if you DON'T DRINK IT!. Just say no. Simple as that. End.

This is Tetraforce here with the camera rolling. (camera is still pointed to the ground) Whoops! (embarresed) We are at the End of Time and are going to jump into the portal that-will-break-my-camera-if-I-don't protect-it. So. I am going to shut it off for a moment as I don't want to pay over a 100 smackaros for a new one do you? Be with you guys in a bit...





Well we are now back online and are fighting reptiles which really isn't much of a fight due to the gang whooping their (bleep). Gotta keep this K+ rated. :O


We got Ayla coming up here who likes strong people and I am not sure if she means strenght or smell.


We are now at the primitive and I mean PRIMITAVE village and we need dreamstone but Ayla won't give so Joe will run race to win stone.



I know what's going to happen next!!


"Bad boys bad boys whatcha going to do whatcha going to do when they come for you!" In reference to the next scene.