Reviews for Living an Amazons Life

Reviews For: Living an Amazons Life - Reviews: Page 1 of 3

masaki yang yi1 2008-10-06 ch 1,	abuseThe story is good but you could either expand it or write a squel where Ranma and Xain pu come to Nerima and set up the Nekohation as well as go to school. It would somewhat funny to see Ranma as the Tendo's brother in law and everything that happened to Ranma in the cannon happen to Mus stu,being engged to Akane,being attacked by Kuno,having to fight off rivel's for Akane. Hope you think this over.
ThePageMaster1530 2008-07-29 ch 1,	abuseAh very accurate to what might have happened in the manga if events changed I love shampoo more so then that violent ** akane I even like uyko she's nice to ranma.
Ganheim 2008-05-29 ch 1,	abuseWhile it was true that she’d ate [Bad grammar: either 'she ate' or 'she'd eaten'.] Several different strategies raced though his mind and she finally settled on one… [Consistency: Though Ranma is in truth a 'he', if you're going to refer to his girl-form as 'her' (which I think everybody does), then stick with it instead of flipping back and forth.] A sickening though passed though her [Spelling: thought] she said and then started to run away but was stopped by some spears being pointed at her. [Weak wording – besides the fact that if Ranma really wanted to get away (s)he could just leap over the spear-wielders. From behind the women a large panda ran forward, grabbed Ranma and tried to run away… but in the chaos that followed the two became separated [Genma Saotome and his son Ranma both possess super-human agility, it would be highly unlikely that they would become involuntarily separated. Based on what you're doing I'd have had them start chasing “Genma-panda” away during or immediately after the fight with Shampoo rather than having Genma make a heroic rescue only to be foiled, because I think he'd only allow himself to be foiled at the threat of serious bodily harm.] that she could use to jump higher from to get away. [Awkward. I'd delete 'higher'.] and she was using the stick as though it were a pogo stick. [Repetition of 'stick' in close proximity. “Yes, place of cursed springs; [_the_ place of cursed springs] But if he went to far away, [Spelling: too] The next morning was to say the least, interesting for Ranma. [Punctuation: missing comma after 'was'] ...was having a larger effect on him, well her now. [This is an effective exception to referring to female-Ranma as just female – it reminds the audience that Ranma is really a male and circles back to identifying 'him' as female at the moment for clarity.] you need to take Xian Pu out to get bathed before dinner. [to _get_ bathed? That doesn't sound right to me. To _be_ bathed, maybe.] instead, his mind was on the girl that was holding his hand. He’d never had a girl hold his hand before, [And I have no idea how much socialization Ranma has had of Japanese society, but holding hands in public is traditionally seen as a gesture of intimacy, or at least public affection.] she repeated not understanding the word. [Punctuation: missing comma after 'repeated'] I promised them I’d take care of her.” Ranma railed back. [When a speech tag directly modifies how the dialog attached to it is spoken, instead of a period you use a comma for transition.] Msu Tsu jumped towards Ranma while seemingly drawing a large amount of weapons out of nowhere. [This is not very descriptive and forms a rather weak piece of narrative. Recommendation:] Mu Tsu leapt at Ranma, drawing a series of blades hidden in his sleeves mid-jump. Quickly Msu Tsu pulled out two morning stars and began twirling around the two heavy balls covered in spikes. [Um...they're still inside. Unless that's one very big room, just starting to get the flail-type weapons is probably going to start shattering walls.] and knocked Msu Tsu back further with a well-placed wheel kick. [Simple but descriptive.] If he had the proper training, he could easily beat everyone in the village. [What 'proper training'? Shampoo was the strongest in the village (being the champion) and he took her down every time they fought. The only one who gave him trouble was the matriarch Cologne (who admittedly thrashed him easily each time), though presumably the other elders could also put their experience to use against him.] “Xian Pu, will take care of your hand Ranma, [Extraneous comma after 'Xian Pu'] To stop a knife with ones own hand… [with _his_ own hand] He decided to wait it out, and see. [Unusual of Genma to patiently wait when it's obvious things are not going his way. Genma's neither the most patient nor the brightest bulb in the bunch. Granted, there's room for interpretation and some modification just because it's your story, I'm just saying...] Eight months from the time he left to return to Japan, [It took eight months to go from the Bayankala Mountains in ? to Japan? What did he do, walk the whole way?] it was close to the anniversary day of when Genma had to leave his son behind. [Which would make it certain to be too late to do anything.] For several long minutes, the two fought and then they separated and fell to the ground. [From the narrative, they basically stop. This would be an easy time for Nodoka and Genma to identify them.] “No! You no tell them!” Xian Pu said quickly. [Trying to keep Ranma from talking about the Nekoken seems more like a protective than angry gesture.] for our families honor.” [Spelling/punctuation: family's] and had it not been for looking like this; I wouldn’t be allowed to learn the Amazon techniques.” [Conflicting with Canon: when Ranma defeated Shampoo, by amazon law he became her husband and therefore an amazon himself. Even without acknowledging this, he was still (as a male most of the time) taught several amazon techniques.] Xian Pu giggled and kissed her female husband in front of Nodoka and Genma. [Crude humor reaches snap never mind, breaks the limit. The little implication before was more than enough, this longer gag strains it too much.] but I’m glad it’s not me that has to meet those girls. [Rimshot] Surprisingly well done, depending on how much of the series you've seen. Mousse might have been seen as out-of-character but given the radically different circumstances and the time of one year there's plenty of room to say that his character's changed and it's well within believability. Genma showed about as little intelligence as he did in the series but wasn't nearly as meddlesome as expected. Nodoka was 'farther out' than seemed her character, but taken in its obvious comic light (besides the fact that she's got so little anime time) it's also within the bounds of suspense of disbelief. Besides that and the points outlined above everything else looked good. God bless and happy writing, Ganheim
DragonMaster4381 2008-05-15 ch 1,	abuseI have to admit, this is one of the best Ranma/Shampoo stories I've read...ever. A lot of people seem to dislike her but I think she's a cool character. You should do another story in this line or perhaps a sequal.
peregrine829 2007-12-07 ch 1,	abuseThis is an excellent story! I have a soft spot for Ranma/Shampoo pairings. Do you have any plans to write a sequel?
New lord of darkness 2007-08-24 ch 1,	abusethis is so cute! i loved it. Also, do you thin,k you could do a continuation?
Kuromeru-Okami 2007-07-20 ch 1,	abuseI really really really enjoyed this, but you said this was k+. But the part with the knife. NOT really appropriate for this rating... just say!
cool 2007-07-06 ch 1, anon.	abuseNice story, it's plausible and something that could happen!! I'd really like for you to continue the story- I know that things would be greatly altered. but if you continued the story with mousse instead of ranma- that would be cool!!
Story Weaver1 2007-06-02 ch 1,	abuseWell I am one satisfied reader. I have long wondered if someone had made a plausible Xian Pu+Ranma fic and this far excedded my expectations. The development of their relationship was awfully cute and full of WAFF! But I must say my favorite part was Msu Tsu going to Japan in Ranma's place and the pigtailed one's comment of how Msu Tsu was still going to be tortured. That had me in side hurting laughter for a good minute. Msu Tsu 1/2! XD
Opt1mus 2007-02-22 ch 1,	abuseGood story, I can't say there is much I did not like about it.
borg rabbit 2007-02-20 ch 1,	abuseSweet! Sugary! Needs a sequel. Wes
kkk 2006-11-30 ch 1, anon.	abusei loved your story! is there gonna be a sequel of some sort? and could you write more shampoo ranma stories? there aren't much. i loved your story! keep it up! ^^
Angel of Anarchy 2006-09-19 ch 1,	abuseWoo Hoo! Ranma & Xian Pu furever! Man, she made out with him even when he was a girl! THAT'S HOT!
Fredryck 2006-07-25 ch 1,	abuseThat was nice! Xian Pu is the best! ;)
Thunderstorm101 2006-04-22 ch 1,	abuse...poor Mu Tze. That's either Akane or Nabiki as a givin, and I don't think he'd stay with Nabiki, so that's Akane, and then there's Ukyo, though she was specifically Ranma's fiancee, she could try for Mu Tze...and then there's the possibility of Kodachi... Poor Mu Tze.

Return to Top