*applauses* that was good and good advice to use, too! ( dealing with the song mixed with the story the advice showa *casui thanks teenage inuyasha ).

Your narrative is too simple. It feels like the lyrics used are simply there to feed additional information to your readers rather than backing up the information already present in the narrative.

Also, you need to separate dialogue between two different people into separate paragraphs. If one person says something, and the other person says something else directly afterward, those two snatches of dialogue should each be in their own paragraph.

Aw...I feel kind sorry for Hojo, but I do like the Inu/Kag pairing! Another great fic!

Suaru