|Reviews for Broken|
| haydenrocks14 4/7/06 . chapter 10
I seriously think i am going to cry my eyes out. It was so cute, but that last seen was so depressing. I don't wanna think about them leaving Hogwarts! :'(
| xXx r a i z a xXx 8/25/05 . chapter 10
great fic! good job! :) liked it loads
| xXx r a i z a xXx 8/25/05 . chapter 9
cute fluffy loved it!
| xXx r a i z a xXx 8/25/05 . chapter 8
oh soon dey r bk together!
| xXx r a i z a xXx 8/25/05 . chapter 7
i liked d ending of dis chapter
| xXx r a i z a xXx 8/25/05 . chapter 6
i do bliv wat harry said was right. gud job
| xXx r a i z a xXx 8/25/05 . chapter 5
i feel so sry 4 ron lol
| xXx r a i z a xXx 8/25/05 . chapter 4
oh no, snape sure did ruin d whole thing
| xXx r a i z a xXx 8/25/05 . chapter 3
oh my god! y do pplz like snapey exist?
| xXx r a i z a xXx 8/25/05 . chapter 2
poor ronnie :D
| xXx r a i z a xXx 8/25/05 . chapter 1
a very good beginning
| BuckNC 5/17/05 . chapter 10
Not bad, not bad at all. The ending was a little bit anti-climax with the fight/argument scene between Hermione/Ron and Dewey. Didn't really care for the fact that Dewey took off in fear of Hermione but not Ron.
Also I noticed that you didn't really use any magic in this story. Which could've really been used to spice up the Prom dance. After all one of the great things about HP is the magic. You didn't use any.
Still not bad for a first timer. And yes I have to admit the grammar is better than mine. Except for the misspelling of Dumbledore, of course.
| BuckNC 5/17/05 . chapter 6
Excellent Chapter! Got to give you credit for chapter 6. The emotions were very much in character. A little bit short, but definately an excellent chapter to read.
| BuckNC 5/17/05 . chapter 4
Actually, not bad at all. Other than the misspelling. How could you misspell Dumbledore? You did it several times, so it's not a typo.
Still, the last part of Chapter 4 was your best. If it was me I would make that last part your Chapter 1. It read brilliantly. The dialog, and the emotions are very in character for both of them.
Also, it would be a much easier read if Ron's thoughts were in Italics.
| BuckNC 5/17/05 . chapter 1
10 Chapters and 14 Reviews? HaHa, I got twice as many in a single chapter of DragonHeart. Haha!
Okay, okay that was a cheap shot and the least I can do is actually read your story and properly review it. Hold on.
Alright here goes.
"It was dark outside, and the few people who had been studying late, mainly 5th and 7th years, went to bed because there was no possible way of stopping this fight, and no one dared to step between the two friends, not even Harry, who had gone to bed 20 minutes ago."
What were you saying about bad grammar? Now, that's one lonng sentence.
As for the rest - the dialog was not to bad. Still you could use a lot more meat to them to grab readers attention. The first chapter has to be an attention grabber, something that makes people want to read more. And simple quick sentences of dialog are something I wouldn't use on the first chapter even during a row. I can imagine you lost a good bit of readers on this chapter. You can tell by checking the Enhanced Stats under Support Services. They break down the chapter by the number of hits that you receive. If you have a huge number of views for Chapter 1 and a very small number for Chapter 2, then you can be pretty sure that you need to re-work Chapter 1.