i loved it but why end it there please continue this story or alow someonne else to i would perfer if you do it if you have someone else do it please put a link on your profile or send one to me this is my favorite story yet

i really loved this story and wish that you had wrote a sequel to it because i would dearly love to know how everything ended but this one ended on a very good note, but hopefully you will do a sequel soon, thanks for sharing this with everyone and i hope to read some of your other stuff :)

I have read many, many Harry/Hermione stories. This one really stands out. It was very well written. I don't really know what to say. Your Snape was fantastic. You did good work with Dumbledore and McGonagal but I think in some ways they would be easier to write than Snape. You did a terrific job with his character especially, in my view. He did a very compassionate thing for Neville's parents, he was understanding with Neville, refraining from overbearing intimidation toward him. He even complimented him, yet I don't have to have some sort of seizure involving intolerably high blood sugar. Snape was still his disagreeable self and I could respect that. His demeanor looked good on him and quite in character.

The Quidditch match for charity was an excellent and unique idea. Having the match at the school let you bring characters from the earlier HP books back to us in a believable and comfortable way. I always liked Oliver and also Viktor so it was a pleasure to see them... without rolling my eyes and saying "as IF", because of some trumped up circumstance.

I like the way you dealt with the Ron/Hermione issue. Sure, Hermione would have been hurting, no doubt Ron was too, but at least there didn't have to be any lasting hard feelings or predictable break up of the Trio.

It was good to see your own characters as well. Not new super wizards and wonder witches to hijack the story out from under our favorite characters (I can't stand that) but appropriate people doing sensible things at reasonable times. I rather liked Amanda.

Thank you for the great story. Very well done.

A great story, keep writing.

this is a great story and it deserves more reviews...
my fave part was when harry summoned hermione to him. what he said (come to me,my love) is so sweet!

Wow! This... was one of the best fics I've read in a while. It made me feel like I really was in their world-- like after closing my computer I could reach over and pick up a book on transfigurations and start studying. And, of course, it was obvious what was going to happen, and who would end up with whom-- but that was half of the fun. The way you did it "exceeded my expectations" so amazingly that it took my breath away. Thank you so much for letting me read this!

You've killed me off! I can't concentrate hard enough to read through this dialogue. Take your paragraph towards the beginning of the chapter, it starts off with, "I wanted to help you..." and ends several hundred words later at, "escape from those troubles."

First, its just way too long to be one paragraph. If nothing else, split it up into seperate paragraphs where Dumbledore changes subjects.

Second, don't let one character deliver a monologue. Even if Dumbledore does all the talking, have Harry react to him. Dumbledore tells Harry that he will help him plan his summer. What is Harry's reaction to this?

When Dumbledore is telling us about Harry's quidditch training, this isn't new information for the readers. Let us know that Dumbledore is aware of it, but make it quick... and seperate it from the other dialogue.

When Dumbledore talks about his studies, have him interact with Harry. Why is Harry turning into Hermione. Break it up so that it becomes interesting.

When Dumbledore tells him who is coming to the castle, he doesn't need to list all of Harry's friends. Just have him say that his friends are coming. If your list is longer than three or four people, the readers just going to skip it anyway.

Also, remember this is dialogue. Is it plausible for Dumbledore to say all that he does? You have to work hard to make sure that your dialogue isn't narration with quote marks slapped around it.

Anyhow, I hope you see what I mean with my review. I'm not trying to be overly critical, its just that the story is very difficult to read when we get slammed with these huge blocks of dialogue.

This is a good start for your story, but it isn't as engaging as it could be. There doesn't seem to be any suspense in the chapter. It is fairly transparent that Oliver and Viktor... two characters who only have quidditch in common... are going to ask Harry to play in a match.

So, putting the invitation to the match at the end of the chapter just makes the conversation at Figg's seem interminable. I was impatient and kept skimming ahead without wanting too.

A conversation should have more dialogue and less not-dialogue.

That was a very good story. A sequel is required and requested. Nice job of writing.

gunny

Brilliant, that was a very good chapter, well thoughtout and well written.

Gunny

One of the best stories i've read in months!
Some great ideas, some great ideas on details (i love details)!
Thank you, bye!

Very good story.

gunny

Outstanding.

gunny

Good story, love how you are doing Ron and Snape.

gunny

Very good.

gunny