Fantastic

This was an amazing story! It was wonderfull! So beautiful! Great work! I loved it!

Truthfully, I found this story to be rather boring and quite unbelievable at parts. The plot is decent itself, however I just find the writing to be very lacking. There are so many times you could have elaborated more, especially when the characters are happy one moment and sad the next with very little explanation as to why.

Shifting of emotions is expected of course, given the situation, but delving into the character's feelings would have really helped, instead of just letting their conversations explain their feelings.

I can tell that your writing has improved greatly since this story was written though, so I hope you don't think I'm bashing your writing. I loved "Possessed," so that's probably why I expected more from this story after reading that one. I hope you take this as a constructive criticism and not a bashing.

I'm going to be honest, and a little harsh. This is one of the few stories I've come across that I just couldn't finish. The plot was completely transparent, and no one in this story behaved in a realistic manner (to say nothing of how OOC they were). I mean, a nurse who won't allow a spouse into the ICU? A wife careless enough to take a random answering-machine message at face value? A pair of 'friends' who don't even let you speak a word in your own defense? Those aren't even cliches worthy of a B-movie plot. There were also spelling and grammar errors throughout the story, and some of your errors in Chapter 8 suggest you did no research into defibrillators.

I have several pieces of advice for you. The first is that you find a good beta reader who can correct your spelling/grammar errors. Check your facts. Perhaps most importantly, though, think about how you or others you know might respond to an event. Unless you're writing about a very unusual character, it will be a good way to test the believability of your work.

I know, first-hand, that writing is difficult and that it can be tough to receive even constructive criticism about something that you put so much work into. Keep working at it!

Lolol. Very nice AU fic of this couple. All that drama was really intense; and the climax was unbearable. Adorable happy ending though. (:

Great story :) I loved it!

nice

que mierda es esto? jajajajaja, le gritan de todo al pobre de kenshin como malditos estupidos sin decirle porque, todo a causa de una tarada que se equivoco de numero ajajajajaa, lo sabia!ajajaja

heey! ) i lo0o0ve your story..;) even though the beginnings were all angst.. well, a story can't be great if there aren't any thrills right? hehehe) but it had a great ending.. ;) i hope i read more of your stories.. u have a talent in writing.. ) keep it up! take care.. ;)

OMG! This was so cute. I love the epilogue! I love this story! The ending was really sweet, just the way I like it.

Sakura Kaoru

aw! so cute! _

Poor Kenshin! I don't know about anyone else, but I felt so badly for him. What kind of wife doesn't even give her husband a chance? I loved how you wrote Sano too. He was perfectly in character.

It took me three tries, but I finally finished reading this and I can now review you. THIS STORY IS AWESOME! Meep

Love this story! Reviewed for it already under Butterfly87, but the more reviews the merrier, right?

oh my god this is a very sweet stoty i absolutly love it _