   Seishuku Skuld
2004-12-27 . chapter 1Thanks for your long and critical review, Zeronova. ^_^ Though I'd like to just point out an error quickly. I actually haven't translated any Guilty Gear mooks. I think you're getting me mixed up with "Skuld no Shinpu" (aka. Ed Chang), who is basically the head of all that is Guilty Gear-ly canon. Believe it or not, Ed and I are actually very close friends and often refer to each other as clones (partly because we are very similar and very complimentary, and partly because our chosen internet handles get us mixed up all the time), so please don't confuse us in the future. Ed does actually does believe in the possibility of SolxKy being canon, but he's not a big fan of it, just admits that some evidence pointing in that direction is there. ^_^ Just wanted to point out that little thing so people don't go run off thinking that Ed writes SolxKy yaoi. :x He doesn't, but his clone does. ^^;;
With that out of the way, thanks again for your very detailed review. I hope you don't mind me responding to a few bits of it. As someone who is not in the SolxKy fandom, sometimes it's a little hard to understand the dynamic of those two, and how Ky is often portrayed in SolxKy fanon. First of all, if you actually listen to the first Drama CD and read the Guilty Gear manga, Ky has very strong suspicions that Sol is a Gear. In fact, he's pretty has proof of it in the manga, having seen Sol go into "Gear-mode" with his very own eyes. Why he still chooses to let Sol go then, and why he's never confronted Sol about it is entirely up to interpretation.
As to why Sol is a little "out of character" for the piece is that I wanted him to be a bit out of sorts. In my understanding of Sol's character, he's got two very divided personalities. There are still the remnants of his former self as Frederick driving his actions, and then there's the badass mask of "Sol Badguy" he hides behind in order to make himself feel less guilty/brush off the world/work better alone, etc. etc. etc. In this piece you see less of who Frederick likes to project of "Sol Badguy" and more of who Frederick might actually have been, and who Frederick is after the century and a half of being a Gear has changed him. My goal here was not to write Sol Badguy, but to write how Frederick comes to terms with himself and what he's done, and how he finally realizes that he can't do everything alone, and that he does want forgiveness for his transgressions.
I didn't want to put too much of the "Guilty Gear" aspects of the world in this fic, because the GG world is essentially a very dog-eat-dog, dark sort of world. This fic was made to be quieter and to center around Sol and Ky and I felt the details of the world itself were not necessary.
As for the progression in the SolxKy relationship, the development is really one-sided. As is assumed frequently in SolxKy canon, Ky is the first one to come to terms with what Sol is, and wish to fix it. Ky starts off, in the beginning of this fic, as accepting of Sol already. As Ky is a Christian, he probably believes in the power of salvation and forgiveness, and in order to "save" Sol (from himself, from sin, from whatever) he has chosen to open himself up to Sol, so that Sol may in turn open up to him. Thus the development in this relationship, is entirely up to Sol realizing what Ky is trying to do, and deciding for himself that that's what he really wants, and that's what he's really been looking for all this time.
as for the "haven't always been so bad at talking" line, I made who said it ambiguous on purpose. Is it Ky finishing that line because he knows Sol so well, Sol finishing that line because he's finally agreed to start talking, or both of them saying it to each other at the same time? :x I think it works all three of those ways, and I wanted the reader to come up with their own interpretation.
In this fic I did not intend to portray Ky as a homosexual, nor a lusty one at that. I hope I am right in assuming that you are a male, Zeronova, and allow me to say that oftentimes males, especially those who have grown up influenced by Western society tend to think of things too often in terms of black and white. What I have always believed Ky to be, is capable of love. Whether he loves a man or a woman is a fact that is irrelevant to him, and his physical lust grows out of love. He loves Sol, therefore, he does not mind sharing his bed or his body with Sol. While the strict teachings of the Christian church usually believe that homosexuality is wrong, I believe that Ky, in accepting Sol, has already proved himself somewhat non-orthodox. After all, he is a man of his own opinions. If he loves Sol, and believe that sex is something natural to someone he loves, then I do not think he would feel ashamed. I did not intend to portray Ky as promiscuous, and perhaps I should read it over again to make sure some of my subtleties or ambiguities actually did not imply such.
At any rate, I hope this has answered some of the questions you've had. ^_^ Thanks for the wonderful review, and taking time out of your holiday to write something so detailed. I really do appreciate it. ^_^ |
 Zeronova
2004-12-27 . chapter 1Ah...the great Skuld. I've read some of your mook translations and seen your site many times, you're quite a star in the GG world,, in the same light as Athena Asamiya, the founder of modern GG fan fiction. So, my respect to you on that. I know you believe that SolKy is deadon canon, and I do not, but I'll try and be fair and honest in my review of this story (Well, prequel, as you say) judging it as a story of a relationship and if it is good writing and feasable in that vein, not just "OMFG YAOI! RUN!". Also, I always review as I read, so it can get long, but I think it helps the author to know how the reader thinks at certain parts. We've met briefly on Guilty Writers as well. With that out of the way, onto the story.
I like the first scene, how even though we know Sol is stronger than Ky and he could have walked away or something, Ky had an innate strength, something that overpowered Sol (not just physically) to going in. That was a nice touch.
Nice nods to the past in the Crusades with his "setting a tea down quickly" and the rum part. I like the little things yu give the story, the nods to things in the past or the more-than-what-it-seems details. I liked how Sol can detect slight things that no one else can, and gives a lot more character to the things happening, like Ky's uneasiness and slight shiver of his hand, and the waver in his voice slightly. But, him going off to work and all, we're left wondering exactly what Ky means when Sol is ready, but seeing as this is shounen ai, I think I have a pretty good idea. Sol seems a little too...I dunno, it's odd. He isn't talking, which is normal, but he seems too quiet. Sol might have shot off a "shut up" or at least a "tsk" at the things Ky said, but to be completely silent and still fo the whole night, deep in thought, seems not like Sol too much. It's a minor qualm though.
Good job in showing how Ky feels about Sol, the sort of drifting uneasiness that accompanies a relationship/love, especially an uneasy one.
I liked the Paradise Lost symbol and little nod, very apt and it made me chuckle a little at the wit you had to put that in there.
As for the Sol returning and table part, well, I said I wasn't too partial for the shounen ai of the story, but I'd be objective. You have a way to work around your content, keeping this PG13 in not describing what you don't need to, and being risque enough (like the opaque line). Good to say enough, not too much, not too little, and do it with style, a sign of a writer who knows what they're doing.
A few spelling and grammatical errors, includling verb conjugation here, something a beta read could have caught, but nothing too bad (a missed letter here and there).
Hmm, here's a side note. I know this is GGX era, or any time after 2175 for that matter since Ky is in the IPF, but I see no way to differentiate this world from my modern day world. The way I see GG is through a self-coined term of "harsh reality", meaning that if the events of GG were to happen, it would be in the world we know, not some type of fantasy or sorcery style of magic, but that magic is a resource, like oil or electricity. And, your story focuses on two characters, but still, you show the IPF and Ky's routine there with the underling soldiers, but I'm hard pressed to differentiate this world, the world I currently live in (Earth, 2004, as opposed to Zorkon or something), and what I think should be of GG, a world in rebuilding and lax fear since Justice was sealed (and killed in 2180). Maybe I'm looking too much into it, because the story doesn't need to ahve any of that and is only about Ky and Sol's relationship, but it would have been nice if I could have really got the GG feeling of the story despite having GG characters we know about.
I liked the lines about Gears being able to withstand it, but not liking it. It gave a little insight into being a Gear and the likes, and was interesting.
Another side note I have is how basically, we see no progression in the relationship between Sol and Ky, it's only a stagnation. We don't see any leaps being taken between them or anything, we just know that Ky likes Sol, and Sol and Ky have slept before together (you made a small hint at it), and the likes, but Sol is basically loafing day to day at Ky's home, and Ky's feeling naughty. We don't have any reason for Ky to be feeling that way about Sol, and Sol to know where Ky lives and come to Ky's so abitrarily, except to just accept that Sol just knows where Ky lives, Ky is just permiscuous and a homosexual, and Sol just knows it. We're thrust into this situation that "Okay, Ky -is- gay, he knows it, Sol is too, he knows it, and it's peace time in the IPF" without ever being told or showing progression to these points, like this is a middle chapter in a long story.
Also, does Ky know Sol is a Gear? The clothing line could either be a little naughty hint (you have a lot of those) or it could be that he knows Sol is a Gear, and if this is 2180+, he does, if it's anywhere in 2175-2179, he doesn't.
The story is starting to get repetitive in that Ky goes to work, gets his tea, and passes through the day wondering or slowly or quickly. Also, you have another one of those implied SolKy scenes, which is good you can imply it with enough tact and not show it.
The Sol talking scenario was confusing...did Sol say the "haven't always been so bad at talking." or did Ky? Also, the whole back and forth bickering was realistic and good, except that I had a hard time differentiating who was who.
I think Ky seems a bit too forward about his actions and feelings, where Ky is sually reserved to almost all things, being polite and sincere and always putting God first in his ideals (and being so religious, wouldn't he have some reflection or frown upon himself for his lust?).
Alright, so I now know that Ky knows Sol is a Gear. And, the etnire scene felt odd to me. You did do well with showing that Ky hated Gears but could accept Sol, but I think that Ky is just a bit out of character here. I know he hates Gears and you did good to show his reserve about it, but I think there was some tension or apprehension with Ky that should have taken place, Sol telling him something about being a Gear that doesn't change anything (but Sol doesn't talk much), but something felt weird abuot how Ky would have responded to having a Gear there and if he knew it.
The characterization you give to Sol is slowly changing, as he returns a good morning and the likes, but Sol tracing circles in Ky's back? I doubt he would have done that, it's kind of like a conflicting characterization here.
I was going to say how Ky is a bit odd to Sol, a convicted felon, a stealer of a Seikishidan treasure, and a wanted man, and yet he is romantically intertwined with him, putting that aside (as he is with the Gear issue). But, you addressed his criminality with Ky being able to track down Sol out of spite where ever he may go.
I still think Sol is too wavering in his indecision and ideals. Sol is a very headstrong man who will get things done when they need to be, and makes decisions, follows through with them, and won't be the stutering type who is unsure. Unless you make this version of Sol exactly the opposite of what he should be because of Ky, and Ky's influence on him, but still, all the "I..." stuttering by Sol seems out of place.
Alright, so here comes my final verdict. I'll judge the story on its merit as a story, and be fair, despite my not-too-fond vantage point of shounen ai. The story was well written, despite a few errors in punctuation, grammar, conjugations, and some missing letters here and there. The style of writing was quick, clear, and got the message across, as well as had enough there for the person who could decipher the little innuendos and cleverness in the writing. THe characters were both a bit off, considering we didn't see a progression in Ky and Sol realizing their love and falling in love, we're thrown into the middle of it, and so we're presented with slightly different Sol and Ky versions than the canon shows us. The story seems to be not very Guilty Gear oriented, as I said I have a hard time differentiating this world and my world, and the 2180's sure as hell isn't the same as today. The romance was in the middle stage, so I can't grade it on the progression to find love and all, but we do see the progression of Sol living with Ky, and them finally sleeping together, but there were numerous hints in the story that it was not the first time this had happened. Also, a lot of the situations were standard fare in romance stories/movies. But, it was well presented and written, so it was pretty good on the whole, there are just some glaring issues I have with it (none of my issues stem from the homosexuallity aspect of it though, and I think I did well to read and review this objectively).
Hope that was a good enough review for the great Skuld. =P |
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